Velociraptor Safety

I recently received a letter from Dr. Daniel Snyder, a paleontologist from Knox College, who wanted to share some theories on handling dromeosaurids:

Dear sir,

I have recently been introduced to your Web comic, and I write in great admiration. You have a keen mind and wit, as well as the artistic ability to convey them to the reader (me). Thank you, and keep up the efforts!

I notice that many of your comics revolve around people (including yourself) with a phobia of Velociraptor. This phobia revolves around Velociraptor overcoming some 70 million years of extinction and the geographic barriers between its home and yours, leaping out of the underbrush and/or through the kitchen, and doing unmentionable things to your innards with its teeth and claws.

I see little point in addressing the substance of your fears, as that’s perhaps best to someone more qualified to deal with the human mind. I hold a Ph. D. in vertebrate paleontology and am somewhat more qualified to address the symptoms. To wit, I would like to help you overcome your fears by successfully defending yourself against Velociraptor.

It is widely known in the field of agronomy (e.g., Avery, 2002) that birds are repulsed by methyl anthranilate, a natural compound found in many of the less sweet fruit varieties. Methyl anthranilate has been used (with some success) as a bird repellent on crops. Now, we know (e.g., Gauthier et al., 1988) that modern birds are descended from dinosaurian ancestors, of which one close relative was Velociraptor (ibid.). Much as lab rats respond to drugs like humans, it is entirely possible that Velociraptor will respond to methyl anthranilate as does the common crow or European starling.

Thus, I recommend you carry around a loaded SuperSoaker filled with Concord grape juice. Fresh-squeezed would be ideal, but from concentrate should be effective as well. This will not only have the theoretical asset of protecting you from Velociraptor, it will have the pragmatic asset of protecting you from thirst.

In appreciation of your Web comic efforts, I will happily waive my consultation fee.

Bibliography
Avery, M. L., 2002. Avian repellents. Pages 122-128 in J. R. Plimmer (ed), Encyclopedia of Agrochemicals. Volume 1. John Wiley & Sons, Hoboken, New Jersey, USA.

Gauthier, J., A. G. Kluge, and T. Rowe. 1988. Amniote phylogeny and the importance of fossils. Cladistics-the International Journal of the Willi Hennig Society, 4, pp.105-209.

Daniel Snyder, PhD
Knox College
K-52/x7846/dsnyder@knox.edu

Excellent!

And this makes me think of the can of shark repellent in that Batman movie. Maybe it wasn’t such a silly approach after all …

edit: By the way, as in all my comics, you can just read ‘velociraptor’ as referring not to the beagle-sized dinosaur, but rather as a generic term for whichever dromeosaurid most closely resembles the Jurassic Park animals.  That is, something between a deinonychus and a utahraptor.

128 Responses to “Velociraptor Safety”

  1. Ace_NoOne Says:

    Great, he ruined it for all of us…

    Honestly though, that’s just hilarious!

  2. Raptor_1984 Says:

    Damn you, Sssssnyder! You have not sssseen the last of usssss!!!

  3. Shii Says:

    Ace, I believe he has not ruined our fear of raptor but given us a MOST EXCELLENT means of protection.

  4. John Armstrong Says:

    Goddamn I love academics.

  5. Science Monkey » Blog Archive » velociraptor protection Says:

    [...] Excellent advice on how to protect yourself from Velociraptor attacks. [...]

  6. Kraki Says:

    Brilliant!

  7. koalie Says:

    That’s brilliant.
    Kudos.
    To both you and Prof. Snyder.

  8. Maiko Says:

    that man is my hero.

  9. Luke Says:

    Oh no! I’m out of grape juice, but I’m affraid to go outside to get it.

    Should I make a run for it?

  10. Terminally Incoherent » Blog Archive » Grape Juice can be used as a Velociraptor Repellant! Says:

    [...] I found this at xkcd blog. [...]

  11. fraggle Says:

    You’re ignoring the other terrifying implications of his email.

    Birds are basically flying velociraptors.

  12. Zé Says:

    Actually, a velociraptor isn’t much bigger than a chicken: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Vraptor-scale.png :P

  13. oomps62 Says:

    Never underestimate anything just because it’s small.

  14. Gwern Says:

    Ze: don’t get complacent!

    Yes, perhaps velociraptors are not all they are cracked up to me.

    But that merely means we must fear their larger cousins, utahraptors! from : “Up to 7 meters (23.3 feet) long, 2.4 meters (8 feet) tall and 700 kg (1500lbs) in weight, Utahraptor would have been a formidable predator.”

    Those suckers could be a good foot and a half taller than me and weigh something like 7 times than me! And Dr. Snyder thinks it’s foolish to fear the raptors? Well, I know who’ll be the first against the wall (to be eaten) when the revolution comes!

  15. Stephen Says:

    I can’t think of a better way to end a once-funny joke whose returns have diminished way too far.

  16. Made By Kali Says:

    Modern Science

    Very Important, and tasty, information.
    Always carry Concord grape juice in case of raptor attack.

  17. Will’s Blog - Velociraptor Safety Message Says:

    [...] Today comes a Velociraptor Safety message from an XKCD reader Dr Daniel Snyder: I notice that many of your comics revolve around people (including yourself) with a phobia of Velociraptor. This phobia revolves around Velociraptor overcoming some 70 million years of extinction and the geographic barriers between its home and yours, leaping out of the underbrush and/or through the kitchen, and doing unmentionable things to your innards with its teeth and claws. [...]

  18. Dave Newton Says:

    Great.

    Now *they* know that *we* know, and the Velociraptor arms race begins.

    Thanks a lot, Snyder.

  19. Ludvig Ericson Says:

    … What amazes me the most is the fact that he read all your comics, I mean - don’t get me wrong here. I just can’t be arsed to read up on any comic that I’ve missed hundreds of posts on, I’d just read the recent ones.

  20. For More information: Says:

    …But why CONCORD grape juice? Wouldn’t any other grape juice be as effective?

  21. The Ziggurat of Doom Says:

    I’ll be packing juice from now on

    xkcd » Velociraptor Safety

  22. scared Says:

    What if the Velociraptors learn and start wearing hazmat suits or even just gas masks? aaaa

  23. concord is extinct Says:

    But, what everyone is forgetting, is that the concord has been taken out of service, where can we find juice of grapes it has squeezed now!? Good grief, it must have been the Velociraptors that took the concord out of service, meaning that Velociraptors work for BA!? I always thought they looked a bit dodgy….

  24. Luke Says:

    I think this calls for Raptor + Grape Juice comic and T-Shirt. :P

  25. Cibbuano Says:

    Luke, I love the idea of that shirt…

  26. Oof! Blog! Argh! » Clever girl… Says:

    [...] I see little point in addressing the substance of your fears, as that’s perhaps best to someone more qualified to deal with the human mind. I hold a Ph. D. in vertebrate paleontology and am somewhat more qualified to address the symptoms. To wit, I would like to help you overcome your fears by successfully defending yourself against Velociraptor. [...]

  27. Velorium Says:

    Hah, I love it.

  28. Macz Says:

    Cans of Grape Nehi in a bandolier. Pull tab to throw. Bring it scaly demons.

  29. It’s Beta » Blog Archive » xkcd: a vertebrate paleontologist on defense against raptors Says:

    [...] [link][more] [via: reddit.com: newest submissions | article link] [...]

  30. gwydion Says:

    Ah, excellent advice, and from an expert, no less!

    My only concern is that, I have four parrots, and frankly, they love grapes. Now, that might not mean a damn thing (they eat a _lot_ of things that other birds wouldn’t touch), and a parrot definitely isn’t a velociraptor, but in light of what I’ve seen, it might be too much to say that “birds are repulsed by methyl anthranilate”, particularly since a search on the bigger brain seems to indicate that this exists primarily in the grape skin (which the parrots enjoy most of all).

    In fact, seeing my grey tear into a grape is kind of disturbing, sort of like seeing a raptor tear into a human’s belly… gets juice all over the place…

  31. rjs Says:

    “Much as lab rats respond to drugs like humans, it is entirely possible that Velociraptor will respond to methyl anthranilate as does the common crow or European starling.”

    ENTIRELY POSSIBLE? Sorry, that does not fill me with any level of confidence at all. In a life and death situation entirely possible really isn’t good enough. This isn’t a solution to the porblem! Without real world field testing, grape juice can only be one small part of our arsenel against raptors.

  32. SAW Says:

    If the grape juice has been concerated for communion, it will repel vampires as well

  33. zona_sul Says:

    Screw the raptors, I am much more frightended by OOmpA LOompAhS. No way I am spraying those knee biting little bastards with grape juice. You ever seen a rabid oompah coming at you groin level dripping grape juice.

    Common knowledge that a rabid oompah attack can only be diverted by judicious use of grain alcohol, a lighter, and highly developed allergies to said oompah loompahs. *(Remember to check your windage prior to oompah defense application.)
    **(Additionally the only thing scarier than a rabid oompah loompah is a rabid oompah loompah ninja jedi of which any instant mental comparisons between Yoda and mini-me are you the results of your own highly developed and midly unstable thinking process and have nothing what so ever to do with this comment.)

  34. Still_afraid Says:

    What about bears? There are still bears outside!

  35. serious_consideration Says:

    OOmpA LOompAhS aren’t real, Velociraptors are.

  36. bithead Says:

    I’m diabetic - the grape juice will kill me and the Velociraptors will kill me.

    Damn!

  37. One more reason to love grape juice (As if we needed it!) « Jew-ish Says:

    [...] Thus, I recommend you carry around a loaded SuperSoaker filled with Concord grape juice. Fresh-squeezed would be ideal, but from concentrate should be effective as well. This will not only have the theoretical asset of protecting you from Velociraptor, it will have the pragmatic asset of protecting you from thirst. [emphasis mine] ” Full letter [...]

  38. Oompah Loompa_1 Says:

    The greatest trick the Oompahs have ever achieved was convincing the world they don´t exsist.

    Well except for that damn nutjob Wonka!

    We are watching, we are waiting, and you shall feel our Loompah fury.

    Or if thats not scary enough perphaps you would prefer Loompah furries.

  39. Itty Bitty Rants » It’s a dessert topping… Says:

    [...] My question is how they will work this “discovery” into the plot of Jurassic Park 4. [...]

  40. RB Says:

    Concord Grape Juice Box Hand Grenades.

    or the plastic bottles with a rag, i’m making some moltov juice-cocktails.

  41. Fleen: Written by bitter, haggard wordbeasts » Blargh Jetlag Says:

    [...] Gary Typing this while I can keep my eyes open. [...]

  42. NumberThree Says:

    In fact, seeing my grey tear into a grape is kind of disturbing, sort of like seeing a raptor tear into a human’s belly… gets juice all over the place…

    Clearly this “Dr. Snyder” is nothing more than a velociraptor posing as a paleontologist in order to aid the raptor cause. I find it interesting that he suggests Concord grapes, as they seem to be one of the sweeter varieties, contradicting his own evidence. I rccomend a remedy which I already use: a Super Soaker filled with cheap American Cabernet, a wine is made from grapes less sweet than the concord. This remedy also proves effective if ever attacked by a swarm of snooty Frenchmen.

  43. Brad Says:

    So we can fight both velociraptors and existentialists with the same weapon? Awesome.

  44. Medic Facility blog on health » Blog Archive » How to: Survive a Velociraptor Attack Says:

    [...] Very recently, Dr. Daniel Snyder, a paleontologist from Knox College sent him a letter schooling him in the arts of defense against such an attack. I’ll reproduce the entire thing below for your enjoyment, but it basically boils down to a super-soaker filled with fresh squeezed concord grape juice… Dear sir, [...]

  45. Bryan Says:

    I guess reading the entire comic is common. A friend of mine mentioned this response to ‘the webcomic author’s apparent fear of raptors’ and I immediately knew it was xkcd, although I had no idea that he read the comic.

    I like the comic RB–it seems to be slightly contagious, because I found it and got curious: read through from the beginning. Then I sent it to a friend (and fellow physics student), and he read it all the way through. I thought it was the physics, but a paleontologist did it too? Maybe it’s an alphabetically-academically propagated contagion!

  46. menace to propriety Says:

    And this makes me think of the can of shark repellent in that Batman movie. Maybe it wasn’t such a silly approach after all …

    Besides the obvious merit of the letter in question, I simply find it refreshing to know that I am not the only person in the world for whom the concept of “Shark Repellent” is inexorably linked with all thoughts of Batman.

    (Also, as I have never until now posted a comment to this blog, I would just like to note that I check the comic religiously (scientifically?) every week and find it to be consistently funny and intelligent - a rare combination, especially on this-here internet. Thanks for all the laughs, and keep up the good work.)

  47. Iluvatar Says:

    Raptor are smarter than you give them credit for. Remember the flying ferret comic? I think that, given the prevalence of anti-raptor defenses, the logical next step for the enemy is flying raptors. God help us.

    As for raptors as a whole, I think that every community needs an enemy. ZeFrank has ‘hardchargers’. ODN had DF.net. /b/ had everyone besides /b/. The US had communists. XKCD has velociraptors.

    “Clearly this “Dr. Snyder” is nothing more than a velociraptor posing as a paleontologist in order to aid the raptor cause.”

  48. Nick Says:

    “Clearly this “Dr. Snyder” is nothing more than a velociraptor posing as a paleontologist in order to aid the raptor cause.”

    Maybe he’s a raptor and a paleontologist? I mean, let’s face it, the species peaked and blew it 70 million years ago, so who’d really have anything to gain from studying them, except one of their own, desperate to find a way to return the race to their former prominence?

    Now the question is, has “Dr. Snyder” got a secret anti-human agenda in his studies and advice, as suggested by some, or has raptor-kind become peaceful and enlightened since the great extinction? Maybe Snyder and others like him are seeking to provide the conditions for peacful co-existence?

    Suppose you were a modern, ethical velociraptor (i.e. eating meat grown in crowded barns and slaughtered by machines before being packaged in environmentally unfriendly celophane and stayrofoam, as opposed to hunting down live free-range meat in a process that culls out the weak and unhappy in their own appointed time), and suppose that you were about to engage in a program to breed velociraptors from ancient DNA. How would you act in a responsible way towards your fellow sentient species?

    I would suggest that you would gently condition the human society around you to prepare them for the vast social changes coming. You would use museums to appeal to the brainy and cultured, shock movies with a fuzzy core to appeal to the masses, and eventually start dropping pieces of outright advice where they will be seen and remembered albeit with some disbelief.

    Sure, Snyder and others like him are urbane and friendly, but they also know that their ancestors had their brutish side. They do not allow their discomfort at this to deter them from their plan to reintroduce raptor-kind to the world. Rather, they look forward with a mixture of hope and pragmatism. I applaud their bold efforts, and thank them for their efforts to make the coming transition as painless and non-fatal as possible.

    Let us join together in welcoming our velociraptor brothers back into the world, and let us not make any hasty judgements should there be any unpleasant incidents in the early days of the new era.

  49. RTG Says:

    The prospect of this development of anti-raptor technologies (i.e. grapejuice) is too intriguing to ignore. However, how can we possibly feel safe with a mere possibility of protection? Should this technique fail, we will be defenselesss.

    We have therefore begun to bioengineer various raptor species, in a controlled environment, so that we can test the effectiveness of various grape juices.

    Everything here is super-safe. What’s the worst that could possibly happen?

  50. Ben Says:

    I was disappointed to see the advice about “a” loaded supersoaker instead of “your” loaded supersoaker, referencing the recent existentialist cartoon (yes Brad).

    @Ludvig Ericson: Actually, I did do this when I discovered xkcd a few months ago, and graphed the density of my favourites: http://www.hop.hop.hop.scum.org/xkcd/

  51. rjs0 Says:

    Re For More Info’s ‘But why CONCORD grape juice?…’: Concord grapes are sour. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen Concord grapes sold at retail — because no one would want to eat them. Lots of sweetener have to be added to make their juice drinkable. The sugary stuff wouldn’t diminish the methyl anthranilate content, but it might make the juice attractive to who knows what…maybe even reptiles.

    As for gwydion’s parrots (’My only concern is that, I have four parrots, and frankly, they love grapes.’): Do they love unsweetened _sour_ grapes ? But then, parrots are mostly insane anyway.

  52. Lara Says:

    Oh I hope you thanked Mr Daniel Snyder Ph.D for that marvellous hint. Top news.

  53. Juaquin Says:

    Actually, there actually is canned shark repellent. The guy from Discovery’s “Dirty Jobs” did a segment where he worked with the guys developing it, and then tested it with them. It worked remarkably well, sharks ran for their lives. The secret is the stench of other dead sharks.

  54. AceJohnny Says:

    And and…

    How about *fermented* grape juice? And consecrated! Holy wine!

    That way you can:
    a) scare off velociraptors
    b) fight thirst
    c) get merrily drunk
    d) fight off vampires!

    Wow, i’d never thought holy wine was on the same awesomeness level as duct tape!

    I stand in awe at this result of the world’s greatest minds.

    Now granted, point c) might interfere with a) and d). I’ll have to think about that…

  55. Safety First >> Two-Sheds Says:

    [...] Thus, I recommend you carry around a loaded SuperSoaker filled with Concord grape juice. Fresh-squeezed would be ideal, but from concentrate should be effective as well. This will not only have the theoretical asset of protecting you from Velociraptor, it will have the pragmatic asset of protecting you from thirst. [...]

  56. LynzM Says:

    It’s not just physicists and paleontologists who have read the whole comic through from the beginning, after learning about it. Add one Electrical Engineer and one German Studies/Math major to the mix… who used to study EE. Heh.

  57. menace to propriety Says:

    Count me among those who backtracked through the entire archives. I think I read them all in a night. And, I’m a Graphic Designer / Leathercrafter / Not-So-Closeted Math and Geology Geek. Since the assorted geekery is only my avocation and not my job, I am not sure if that makes me more or less geeky. Maybe I will use my Philosophy degree to create a hypothetical comparison to myself. In the event that doing so doesn’t cause me to simply cease to exist, I might get an answer.

  58. NumberThree Says:

    add one Classical Studies (Latin and Greek) major to the list

  59. M7S Says:

    “This entry was posted on Sunday, March 4th, 2007 at 2:11 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.”
    How is it posible that a serious blag as this one doesn’t have a Velocipator category??

  60. mollishka Says:

    But what if you get really thirsty, and you drink the super soaker full of grape juice, and before you manage to get to the store again, the velociraptor strikes?!

  61. Prillotashekta Says:

    I just discovered this webcomic (like, today) and am in the process of reading them all from the beginning…. so soon, you’ll be able to add another Vertebrate Paleontologist to the list of those who’ve read the comic all the way through.

    Interestingly, the OTHER paleontologist who’s read through this whole comic, none other than Dr. Dan Snyder himself, is a friend of mine–we went to grad school together. Dr. Snyder works on fossil fish and has a predilection for anime. If he IS a velociraptor (and it honestly wouldn’t be that good of a disguise–sorry Dan), then I propose a test to detect potential velociraptors in disguise: see if you can distract them with fossil fish and/or anime. Or you could simply squirt them with grapejuice.

  62. AA Says:

    This liberal arts student has read through the entire archives as well. :)

  63. Ben Says:

    I would think that the best way of determining whether or not someone is a dinsoaur in disguise would be to use the aforementioned “Internet Human Test” from a previous comic. The question would, of course, have to be changed - dinosaurs will obviously feel sad at the loss of one of their own.

  64. Stephen Yang Says:

    What a cool guy. When I make it big I want to write letters like that just for kicks.

  65. the new shelton wet/dry Says:

    [...] XKCD Blag [...]

  66. Noli Irritare Leones » Blog Archive » Blogwatch Says:

    [...] A quick and easy guide to protecting yourself from velociraptors. Via Elliot. [...]

  67. nick j Says:

    http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-2/qid=1172121790/ref=sr_1_2/602-9182367-4936657?ie=UTF8&asin=B000HCT7NC

    the giant hamsterball will protect you!

  68. Alastair Llewellyn Drong Says:

    Why bother with ‘from concentrate’? Just thaw out the concentrate filter out as much pulp you can (for the health of the super-soaker) and load THAT up. it may be a bit viscous to use exactly like that, but I’m sure that, over time, an ideal water-concentrate’ mix. Charts could be devised giving viscosity to distance ratios allowing people to use the ideal mixture for the maximum distance they would need to shoot withing their home.

    …I’m not expert on super-soakers, dromeosaurid, birds, nor the making of alcahol, but it would seem to me that the super-soaker would allow (albeit, very gradually) the release of gasses from the unit without letting air in. This would mean that leaving grape juice inside of a super-soaker over an extended period of time could result in (crappy) wine. Assuming this is the case and knowing how poor the livers of birds are compared to humans you may be creating a sort of 1-2 punch. However I’d be willing to bet that the livers of dromeosaurid are significatly better than the chicadees that would get drunk by eating the berries off of the tree in my old back yard. So, now I’d conjecture that we’d merely be dealing with drunk dromeosaurids. Maybe easier to avoid and trick, but also likely to not be affected as greatly by the methyl anthranilate.

    So, in short, make sure you empty, clean and refill your super-soaker regularly

    According to wikipedia, here are som alternative sources of methyl anthranilate:
    …naturally occurs in the Concord grapes, and in bergamot, champaca, gardenia, jasmine, lemon, mandarin, neroli, oranges, rue oil, strawberry, tuberose, and ylang ylang. It is used for flavoring of candy, soft drinks (eg. grape soda), gums, and drugs.

    …the grape soda might serve better in some situations: could explode on impact (once properly shaken), and a small hole can be punctured in the rivet holding the opener in place which would allow for a steady stream to spray out. Basically I’m arguing that it’s pre-compressed and won’t require ‘pumping’ before you can use it as a means of defense.

  69. etho Says:

    Xtreme Killer Clawed Dinosaurs

    I saw Jurassic Park when I was 7. Raptors terrified me. So thank you.

  70. Kawa Says:

    This Applied Math undergrad has also read all of xkcd. Repeatedly. :D

  71. Nick Says:

    I fell in a vat of Concord grape juice when I was 6. Ever since, I have enjoyed a peculiar invulnerability to velociraptor attacks. I can also comfortably carry large menhirs.

  72. Michael Says:

    I read it straight through, from end to beginning. :-D
    French major here, music and religion minor.
    It was a rollercoaster of emotion. With my box of hankies on hand, I felt a great cartharsis in the endevor. :-)

  73. Ashley Says:

    But that family of animals might be nocturnal. You’ll have to sleep in a tub of grape juice.

  74. Matt Says:

    Thanks to Dr. Snyder, I am safe from those darn velociraptors for one more day, and many more to come! I hope I can afford the purchase of all that Concord grape juice though…

  75. groonk Says:

    that was full of AWESOME and WIN!

  76. joeneedstogrowup Says:

    I love it when people have fun with academics. You cannot place too much worth in enjoying your field of study.

  77. Brady Says:

    First Stephen Colbert speaks at our commencement, and now our professors are sending email to xkcd! This school practically pays for itself :-)

    -A long-time devoted fan of xkcd and [now] proud[er] student of Knox College

  78. Maiira Says:

    This is the ultimate in nerdery. And I LOVE it. The second I see someone carrying a supersoaker with concord grape juice in it to fend off velociraptors, I will marry them on the spot.

    Also, add an anthropology major to your list of folks who have read through the archives. On the most recent comic I kept clicking the “next” button in the vain hope that I just hadn’t clicked it enough, rather than face the depressing reality: that is, that I had run out of comic. :(

  79. michael holloway Says:

    Velociraptor? (pic @ my blog)

    http://science-blogs.blogspot.com/2007/01/sign-of-changing-ocean-currents.html

  80. denelian Says:

    this time through college? double major journalism/poly-sci, minor in religion
    i have a plan to take over the world ;)

    i have read the entire archive twice.

    and have long been addicted to grape juice. now i know why!

  81. James Says:

    This Private First Class has not only read all of xkcd, but has read it to fellow soldiers with disastrous results.

  82. bonjee Says:

    To Brad: as a dedicated reader of XKCD and a philosophy doctoral candidate, I can tell you, alas, that you cannot protect yourself from existentialists with wine. What you have to do is simply ignore them. Pretend they don’t exist.

    Or, if that doesn’t work, start explaining set-theoretical logic or confront them with possible worlds modal problems. Be sure to have a white board handy and use as much symbolic notation as you can muster. Works every time.

  83. Ellie Says:

    I’m also a big fan of your comics, but I had never visited your lovely blag until today. As a student of Knox College, a very small liberal arts school in bumfuck, Illinois–I was quite surprised to see that you mentioned Prof. Snyder here.

    I can assure you that he is not a velociraptor.

    I suppose, then, that I have no way of proving to you that we both aren’t prehistoric creatures joined together to bring you to your demise. All I have is my knox.edu email address, but I suppose one could argue from visiting our website that we are an educational institution full of velociraptors and we have a really good PR department that can convince all the unsuspecting high school students who apply here otherwise.

  84. Biophilia - Weblog zwischen Ökologie, Philosophie, Politik und mehr » Webcomics und Velociraptoren Says:

    [...] David Snyder in einem Brief an den Autor von [...]

  85. phobias: ya know ya got 'em « phlog Says:

    [...] THREE: VELOCIRAPTOPHOBIA—the fear of velociraptors [...]

  86. Jim Says:

    Why does it not surprise me that a Knox prof. writes something like that?
    Anyway. Found your comic just recently, and I had to read through the archives… and laugh until I cried… and wondered why come of the comics aren’t on T-shirts… Anyway! Great stuff.

    People at Knox are crazy. I should know since I got my BS there. And while I think I would have heard about a raptor in the faculty, it really wouldn’t surprise me all that much (except that raptors usually don’t talk… I say this as if I’ve seen a velociraptor…)

    Side note: The name of the city isn’t really “Bumfuck”. It’s Galesburg.

  87. Xenobiologista Says:

    Speaking of Utahraptor, recommended reading: Raptor Red

    That oughta give you nightmares for a while. =D Or not because it portrays raptors as being cute.

  88. leash Says:

    ohhh man there is so much awesome on this [age my brain can’t handle it!!!

    first time i’ve been on the forums here, after ages of reading and appreciating your comic (and the dinosaur comics you make reference to as well!!!)

  89. OmegaLord Says:

    Wow! I’m not sure that velociraptors would be as afraid of methyl anthralinate as birds… Are we doomed? Which will kill us? Zombies or velociraptors? What about zombie velociraptors? There’s a thing about that at drmcninja.com, though…

  90. Liesel Says:

    Now you know why I dropped out of Knox College.

  91. 79soul » Blog Archive » Web Comic Shout Out! Says:

    [...] Dr. Daniel Snyder- a paleontologist from Knock College- wrote Munroe with information on how best to protect himself from velociraptor attack. I know you [...]

  92. Velociraptor Says:

    oh, forget it - when I find out where you are I am eating you up.

  93. Velociraptor Says:

    oh forget it I and killer rule and I will eat you up!

    ps.velociraptors will rule the world ha ha ha ha we are goodies

  94. Anonymous Says:

    [RTG Says:

    March 6th, 2007 at 10:17 am
    The prospect of this development of anti-raptor technologies (i.e. grapejuice) is too intriguing to ignore. However, how can we possibly feel safe with a mere possibility of protection? Should this technique fail, we will be defenselesss.

    We have therefore begun to bioengineer various raptor species, in a controlled environment, so that we can test the effectiveness of various grape juices.

    Everything here is super-safe. What’s the worst that could possibly happen?]

    RTG, that is a very, very, very, very, VERY bad idea. The raptors could escape captivity, and we would be doomed. Ever seen Jurassic Park?
    There might be a power failure, downing the electric fences (if there are any), enabling the raptors to escape. ABANDON THE PROJECT!!!

  95. Anonymous Says:

    RTG, If you cloned velociraptor, this would add to the population of velociraptor dramatically. Even if ones in captivity were isolated from their free, murderous friends, if they escaped, they could somehow find and join their partners. We do not need more velociraptors in this world.

  96. Anonymous Says:

    Have you heard about those new RoboRaptor toys from wowee robotics? What if they rebel and, we do not just have velociraptor in the world. We also have ROBOTIC velociraptors!

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  97. Anonymous Says:

    If any of you are conscious about velociraptor attack, I reccomend you take a look at this site:

    http://www.velociraptors.info

  98. Writer Says:

    I am writing a book on velociraptor safety. It will tell you everything you need to know about the subject. It will be called “The Velociraptor Survival Guide.” Once it is published, you might want to buy it. Try Amazon.com. My dad is a writer too, and I plan to follow in his footsteps.

  99. Writer Says:

    Update: I might even write a sequel to my velociraptor book, except it will be about mosasaur safety. If you do not know what a mosasaur is, look for it online.

  100. DonovanMD Says:

    Is it just me or is a bibliography in an email the funniest thing ever?

  101. sillybean » Velociraptor Safety Says:

    [...] Velociraptor Safety (via several people on LJ). 1:08 pm comment [...]

  102. antyki Says:

    full of awesome!

  103. flamer Says:

    its a utahraptor, according to the JP books.

  104. zep Says:

    I, for one, welcome our new dinosaurian overlords.

    btw.. spam protection? since when do I have to do math to be on the interweb?

  105. Fletcher Says:

    I have terrible news. I have recently discovered that the climbing wall at my college contains several Velociraptor entry points. I tried Dr. Snyder’s advice, and I put grapefruits near the entrances. The next morning I found Velociraptor droppings that contained grapefruit seeds. Clearly Dr. Snyder’s remedy for our problem did not work. For the most part these Velociraptors have not harmed anyone, aside from a few homeless people (but they don’t count as human beings) which we feed to the Velociraptors so that maybe they will not try to leave the Rec Center. They haven’t figured out the code for the alarm system, which would allow the doors to be opened, but I fear that any day now they will crack the code. They have already hacked into our school’s mainframe, using the computers in the Rec Center, and sent emails containing a link to a Velociraptor entry point. Most spam-blockers keep out the email but if it does make it through, the hyperlink to the entry point is usually disguised as some ad for Anti-Velociraptor cream. Do not click on this ad! Rip your computer from it’s power supply and yank your internet connection from the wall. Smash and burn your computer. Just to be safe, wash your hands afterward. But back to the Velociraptors in our Rec Center. The Velociraptors only seem to come out at night when the Rec Center is on lock down, and they are gone by the time it opens in the morning. The only evidence of them being there is Velociraptor droppings and smudges on the windows… they are testing for weak spots. It is best to stay in your room, with the doors double locked and a chain lock and a shotgun booby-trap and a bucket of urine above the door, answer the door for no one. They may figure out how to use Microsoft Sam on a computer to talk to you. Be sure to always carry a large mirror and floor wax with you; if you find yourself trapped in a room with Velociraptors you can mop the floor and use the mirror to confuse the Velociraptors to run in the wrong direction and slip on the waxed floor, thereby giving you a few more seconds to live.

  106. All_Seeing_Eye Says:

    +1 Chemist has also read complete archives!
    One of my teachrs wears a top hat…hmmm….*pumps weapon*

  107. online marketing melbourne Says:

    online marketing melbourne

    online marketing melbourne

  108. Starocie Says:

    That man is my hero.

  109. Science After Sunclipse Says:

    Raptors

    According to Brian Switek,
    A raptor can take an entire clip of automatic weapon rounds to the chest and only seem slightly annoyed by it.
    He’s a real-for-life paleontology person, so he should know. More importantly, he just watched Raptor Islan…

  110. Velociraptor Safety « busy, busy, busy Says:

    [...] A super soaker filled with grape fruit juice. [...]

  111. Teens For Cash Videos Says:

    Teens For Cash Videos…

    Teens For Cash Videos…

  112. About Deepest Fantasies « candy from the soul Says:

    [...] cost calculator, here and here you have links to write ups by people who have actually done it, and these two are unrelated links, to show you just how cool xkcd and it’s creator [...]

  113. Of Costs & Benefits « candy for the soul Says:

    [...] cost calculator, here and here you have links to write ups by people who have actually done it, and these two have nothing to do with ball pits, or sex, but they do prove just how cool xkcd and it’s [...]

  114. How to pick up women easily Says:

    how to pick up women correctly…

    how to pick up women the right way…

  115. bextra carolina lawyer north Says:

    Camp backs Bush’s economic aid…

    Lawmakers are considering tax breaks for businesses investing in new equipment and a $500 rebate for individuals, said congressional aides…

  116. Junesongprovider Says:

    that man is my hero

  117. antiraptorcaptian Says:

    while raptor red may be terrifying it is a invaluable source of info and required reading at the antiraptor resistance academy

  118. stumbleupon raptor Says:

    http://www.velociraptors.info/

    my apologies if someone else found this and posted it up already, but i just stumbled upon it and knew where it belonged. anything in the name of safety from raptors…

  119. Rankin Says:

    Please, we must all join together in sharing our knowledge to defeat this foe. My college, Tripp Gregory, has created this Group on Facebook to remind all who care enough to secure their homes in the coming months, as you know, raptors are much more active in the hot summer months.

  120. Kyle Says:

    Knew I should’ve gone to Knox.

    I’m an English major/creative writing minor who has also read the archive.

  121. Door to River » Grape Juice POWAH. Says:

    [...] one more link, because it is wonderful. In danger from velociraptors? Just use Concord grape juice. (Thanks for the link, .) I love the [...]

  122. shopping Says:

    I always thought, originally, that the Velociraptor was a made up idea from the Jurassic Park movie and books. I mean, it’s name even sounded made up to me (Sounding like a “verocious raptor” or something like that.) I’m still not sure – is he saying that it is, indeed, a real dinosaur? Well, no wonder people have phobia’s about them.
    I enjoyed the comment about the shark-repellent from the old Batman movies… man, I would really like to see one of those again!

  123. Door to River » Blog Archive » Grape Juice POWAH. Says:

    [...] one more link, because it is wonderful. In danger from velociraptors? Just use Concord grape juice. (Thanks for the link, .) I love the internet. This entry was posted on Thursday, June 12th, 2008 [...]

  124. Lhyzz Says:

    In my experience working at a wildlife rehabilitation center, birds love grapes. There may be some problem with this theory.

  125. oil painting from photo Says:

    Oh no!!! I can’t believe that is coming from a highly-respectable and intellectual individual. But well we’re entitled to our own opinion. He has made his points and in order to meet at one common point, may be it is best to lower down one’s pride and accept your mistake.

  126. TheVelociraptorParty Says:

    We protest against the clear rasism shown here at xkcd and we object at the author’s methods of racial profiling which leads to the stereotyping of velociraptors as dangerous man-eating predators!

    For your information, none of our party’s delegates have ever tasted homo-sapiens meat nor are we interested in savoring the meat of any apparently intelligent species. We resent any statement that would indicated otherwise!

  127. TheVelociraptorParty Says:

    we area not very good spellers. your human language is awkward, but we’re doing our best.

  128. Helmut Ayarzagoitia Says:

    i have installed a separated water tank filled it up with concord grape juice and connected it to a sprinkler sistem pinting to week poiints on my house like windows chimney, soft spots on the walls and doors, and also on my jard and 5 feet of my drive way, i added a remote controlled sprinkle action and easy access activation buttons throughout the house even children available, and dog/cat…capable, i am still trying to train my ferret , these way if a raptor attacks me and i can run 5 feet from my curb and press the button i will get soaked in a huge blast of concord grape juice, hoping to repel the asailants, and my thirst of running really really fast and fearing for my life…

    there is one economical draw back besides the whole instalation,

    concord grape juice goes stale, some times even ferments, so in the stainless steel water container i had to add sulfite to prevent fermentation, i wonder if this affects its efectiveness, just in case every month i have a new batch sent in and drain the older one and casque it into home made wine

Leave a Reply