Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story
(Written after sitting in a car for five hours listening to financial news stories.)
——-
Damn these subprime lenders, thought Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, barely keeping his balance on the wobbling skateboard. We can’t afford more debt. He snapped a grappling-hook-tipped quarrel into his crossbow as the skateboard slowed. When the country owes trillions and is asking for more, its shadowy creditors start calling in favors.
The crossbow twanged, carrying his climbing rope up the side of the Federal Reserve building. As he began his ascent, he reflected on the years past. I inherited a broken system, he insisted to himself. We’re simply doing what’s required to prevent a catastrophe. It’s not my fault.
He tossed his skateboard over the parapet and hauled himself over. He dropped six feet to the roof, landed heavily on the board, and trundled on into the night.
——-
From her perch in a tree across the street, the blogger watched through her blogoscope as Bernanke disappeared over the wall. She spoke quietly into her radio: “Subject is in the haybarn. The chickens are in danger of roosting.”
“Roger that,” came the reply. “Deploying Agent Harpsichord.”
——-
Inside, Bernanke moved along the wall like a shadow, elongating and contracting as the light sources shifted around him. In the midst of a sea of filing cabinets, he froze. He sniffed the air, then dropped to his knees, licked the floor, and paused. Yes, he thought, Greenspan was definitely here.
——-
The blogger had waited five minutes and was starting to get impatient. She picked up the radio. “Situation imminent. Pass the ducklings through the snorkel. Repeat: Pass the ducklings through the snorkel.”
“We are go for mode Sinatra,” replied the commander. “Reticulate core and set throttle to ‘cryptic’. Prepare to jitterbug.”
——-
Bernanke forced the door on yet another inner office, realizing too late that the light was on inside. The chair in the corner swiveled around, and Bernanke found himself face-to-face with Alan Greenspan. There was silence for a moment.
“You won’t get away with this,” said Greenspan, rising to his feet. “The Fed is subject to general congressional oversight. But you never understood that, did you?”
“Congress sold out the country, not me,” replied Bernanke. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”
“I wasn’t planning to,” said Greenspan. He flicked open a switchblade.
——-
The blogger peered once more into the eyepiece of her blogoscope. She threw the switch labeled “overlay building schematics.” The external view of the building disappeared, but instead of blueprints, she was presented with a green puzzle piece. “This view requires the Adobe Flash Player plug-in. Do you want to search for this plug-in now?”
Shit, she thought.
——-
Bernanke, trying not to slip in the patches of blood on the floor, struggled with Greenspan. The older man moved like a snake that moved like a former Fed Chairman who moved like a ninja. At last, Bernanke got a solid grip on Greenspan’s collar and hurled him through the fourth wall, knocking you to the ground.
Improvising a tourniquet from the remains of the snake left over from the earlier simile, Bernanke moved on through the hallways.
——-
The moonlight-bathed roof of the Federal Reserve building fell suddenly into shadow. A pair of night watchman looked up in alarm to see what had occluded the sky.
“Is that …” one whispered to the other, “… is that a blimp?”
——-
Bernanke reached the central vaults, accessed the Gibson mainframe, and began transmitting the requested files to his distant masters. He didn’t hear the gentle thud on the rooftop, the muffled explosive charges, or the sound of the door opening behind him. But at the last minute some sixth sense kicked in. He spun around just in time to see a golf-ball-sized lump of gold rapidly expanding in his vision. It struck him in the forehead, and he collapsed to the ground like a burlap sack full of scrapple.
Congressman Ron Paul retrieved the gold nugget from the floor and returned it to his satchel. “Try that,” he said, donning his sunglasses, “with a fiat currency.” He spun on his heel, cape swirling behind him, and swept from the room.
Read more of these adventures in the thrilling new novel, Ron Paul and the Chamber of Commerce — in bookstores now!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:17 am
We must read very different short stories on the Internet; right up until the end, I was waiting for Bernanke and Greenspan to consummate their forbidden love.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
This story is purestrain gold.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:22 am
You make me love being an econ major.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 am
AMAZING!
Especially wwhen Greenspan knocked me over.
Please, please, _please_ continue.
AMAZING!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:30 am
My god you are a genius.
That was hilarious.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:30 am
When the blimp came, i was expecting Cory, not Ron Paul.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
And that’s the mark of a master storyteller.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 am
Still don’t quite understand what the blogger was there for, or who she was talking to.
CATCHPA: discretion later
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
Absolutely amazing. I particularly enjoy that once the fourth wall was destroyed it stayed destroyed, allowing the use of the snake in the following paragraph :)
I want to read Snow Crash again now, but I already read it twice this year. Is this unusual?
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Forget the best-selling novel. I want to make this a video game that will, in turn, be turned into a blockbuster movie, and then back into a video game.
That’s how brilliant that was.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:03 am
This was great. I didn’t much like the fourth wall joke, though: it totally broke the flow (yes, that’s the point, but still). Now after reading Kaoru’s observation, I like it better :-)
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
haha hilarious.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
@schoon
You want to make Street Fighter: the Movie: the Game?
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:33 am
La Reserva Federal y el monopatín [EN]…
"Malditas hipotecas subprime" pensaba el presidente de la Reserva Federal Ben Bernanke equilibrándose sobre el monopatín oscilante. "No podemos permitir más deuda". Mientras el monopatín deceleraba, preparó su ballesta, que son…
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
more already!
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:58 am
brilliant story… especially the part about using the snake from the previous simile…
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Ron - Ah - Saviour of the universe
Ron - Ah - He’ll save every one of us
Seemingly there is no reason for these
Extraordinary financial upsets (ha ha ha)
What’s happening Ron?
Only Dr Hans Zarkov formerly at NASA
Has provided any explanation
Ron - Ah - He’s a miracle
This morning’s unprecedented solar eclipse
Is no cause for alarm
Ron - Ah - King of the impossible
He’s for every one of us
Stand for every one of us
He’ll save with a mighty hand
Every man every woman every child
With a mighty Flash
General Kaka Ron Paul approaching!
What do you mean Ron Paul approaching?
Open fire! All weapons!
Dispatch war rocket Ajax to bring back his body!
Ron - Ah
Paul’s alive!
Ron - Ah - He’ll save every one of us
Just a man with a man’s courage
He knows nothing but a man
But he can never fail
No one but the pure in heart
May find the golden standard oh oh oh oh
Ron, Ron, I love you!
But we only have fourteen hours to save the economy!
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Excellent!
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Brilliant!
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
> # Molly Says:
> September 23rd, 2008 at 10:17 am
> We must read very different short stories on the Internet; right up until the > end, I was waiting for Bernanke and Greenspan to consummate their
> forbidden love.
This is the best comment i’ve ever read on xkcd, ever
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Brilliant. :D
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
You can knock someone out with fiat money, you just have to use a sockful of pennies.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
[...] just fell in love with xkcd all over again. Seriously. No, I wasn’t out of love with it…but dayum. Talk about a short story that [...]
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I love how this is just shy of being what some people actually think of Ron Paul
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Made of win. If only Ron Paul could save us from all of our crazy finance problems.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Epic win.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Epic win is on the floor.
I second the motion.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
That was the best goddamn thing I have ever goddamn read.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Marvelous. You and Sam Hughes of qntm.org must collaborate.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:23 pm
This is the single best short story I’ve read in a long time. I especially enjoyed the parts with the blogoscope and the Adobe plug-in.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
We, the People, demand you amend via appending MOAR of this :)
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:44 pm
This is a terrible, terrible story. Please write more.
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
“Pass the ducklings through the snorkel.” is a phrase I never expected to see in my life, and I laughed my sexual organs off at the Adobe Flash Plug-In bit.
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:56 pm
So I’m reading this at work where, among other things, I mostly make transcripts of stuff that airs on CNBC.
This story pretty much made my week and it’s only Tuesday.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 pm
This is amazing. Please write more, it will help the ease the pain in my Roth IRA.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:17 pm
The new theme song of XKCD: MOAR MOAR MOAR.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I liked the Gibson reference - now how to reverse engineer t’internet to bring it up on his screen?
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:27 pm
[...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...]
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
[...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...][...] xkcd » Blog Archive » Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story This was written by Wayne. Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008, at 7:19 pm. Filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback. [...]
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Best. Ron. Paul. Fanfic. Ever.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Best. XKCD. Blag post. Ever.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Why did I flinch when he came through the fourth wall? Honestly… <3
September 24th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Greenspan and I want to know what happens next.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:12 am
*howls with laughter*
and once again, reading xkcd has made my day… you are all kinds of awesome, Randall!! :D
September 24th, 2008 at 12:15 am
This short story has just made me happier than I can recall being. Yes, that’s right, I’m even happier than that time when I reached through the fourth wall and punched you in the face.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:18 am
You, Aaron Diaz, Ryan North, and Joey Comeau should put together a collection of short stories.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:45 am
Brilliant. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thought of Snow Crash.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:02 am
“You can knock someone out with fiat money, you just have to use a sockful of pennies.”
Or, you could knock someone out with a Fiat.
http://www.fiat.it/
September 24th, 2008 at 1:04 am
I suppose I’m going to have to be the only one who found this only vaguely amusing. That probably happened because I found it very confusing, possibly because of actually following financial news diligently and trying to put this story closely in the context of what’s actually going on (and failing).
September 24th, 2008 at 2:49 am
oh, yeeeesssssss more, i want to know who the secret master are!
as in, who to blame……….
September 24th, 2008 at 3:06 am
It’s midnight here, and everyone in my house is asleep except me, so I had to stifle what otherwise would have been uproarious laughter at those two lines.
I did, however, catch this:
I would guess that’s supposed to be watchmen, not watchman.
Thanks for a fun little read!
September 24th, 2008 at 3:15 am
you sir must write a book, with skills like this it will no doubt be a best seller
September 24th, 2008 at 4:04 am
This was the greatest blag post Ive ever read. I would definitely buy a hardcover version of Ron Paul and the Chamber of Commerce if it came out. Please write a continuation!
September 24th, 2008 at 5:15 am
I would buy this book. Twice. And also give a copy to everyone I know.
Would have to agree with Spencer in regards to those two lines.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:17 am
I 83% expected a pan-galactic gargle blaster joke there, at the end.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Scrapple!!!!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 8:29 am
With all due respect, this was better than many of the comics themselves.
Please consider writing a book.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:01 am
>“Try that,” he said, donning his sunglasses, “with a fiat currency.”
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Horace: I’m glad more people caught the David Caruso reference ;)
September 24th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Holy FSM that was awesome! moar!!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I can’t believe he HACKED THE GIBSON
September 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
*climbs through the broken fourth wall*
YES! I’m inside XKCD! w00t!
I’m in ur comic, xpl0iting ur hillarious literary devices.
September 24th, 2008 at 11:46 am
but…where was Summer Glau? was she flying with Ron Paul and toying with the watchmen? she HAD to have been in here SOMEWHERE!!! *rushes back to find her hidden in the story…*
September 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Summer Glau was totally the mysterious blogger hiding in the trees. She’ll be in part two.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Randy, I know I didn’t teach you about knives because I don’t generally try to scare boys who smile, but you don’t generally flick open switchblades. They are more exciting than that.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Why didn’t you just put this in comic form?
September 24th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
since life imitates randall, somebody simply MUST donate to ron paul a cape, satchell and sunglasses. preferably with gold nugget inside.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
AHAHAHAHA.
I ROFL’d at the “previous simile” and “fourth wall” gags….PLEASE make the entire story.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
AWESOME
September 24th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Epic awesomeness. I love it. You really need to bag the comics and write books and columns and stuff. Like a modern-day Dave Barry. It’d be so awesome that… well, it’d be so awesome that there’s not an adequate metaphor to describe it.
Okay, maybe don’t bag the comic. I love the comic. But, I love your writing also (maybe more). Seriously, you should consider writing entire books filled with this awesome.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
[...] Short Story. Evar. xkcd Blog Archive Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story Sort of a spoiler. I really was knocked over . . . laughing. Yellow Mage and Armando the Sig [...]
September 24th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Wow. Probably the best piece of literature I think I have ever read. Encore!
September 24th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
That wasn’t just an epic win
that was an epic win by orders of magnitude.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I couldn’t find “Ron Paul and the Chamber of Commerce” in any bookstores… this fact must be remedied.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
[...] Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story [...]
September 24th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I constantly see similarities between me and Randal, but I also constantly keep wanting to me more like him. I mean, this is obviously a little taste of genius, as is most of his product…
May we revere him as some sort of Demigod?
“Oh Randall, our Xtremly Kool Comic Demigod, let us rub your head of genius and do bless us with red spiders and complex math equations… amen”
September 24th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
thank you
now i can get through class by thinking, what would this look like xkcd style and everything is so much better…until i realize its not but that’s what pie is for
September 24th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Hey, MetaFilter linked to this! WooHoo!
September 25th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Randall, that was genius. The Flash, the 4th Wall, the simile, all excellent. I would love to see some more literary output in the Blag.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:44 am
That was just horrible, absolutely horrible. The blogger wasn’t making any sense at all, and you totally threw that skateboard in without any explanation. Also, what was with Ron Paul saving the day? You obviously don’t understand the fallacies behind Ron Paul’s “solution” for our economy.
Lastly, you belabored that snake simile and didn’t give the reader any context for the “Gibson mainframes” or mysterious blimps.
Don’t try to discuss serious news, Randall. Just stick to writing funny things.
Srsly.
-jdl
September 25th, 2008 at 3:01 am
Awesome work, Randall.
JDL, I’ll provide the context for the Gibson mainframe. It’s Hackers. And as for fallacies in Ron Paul’s solution for our economy, once you understand why we’re in this mess in the first place, you’ll also see that part of the reason that Ron Paul has polarized so many people is that he’s one of a very few who aims to put us back on sound financial principles. Yes, it may hurt in the short-term, but the pain has already been created, it’s just a matter of how much more will get created before the necessary correction.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:22 am
OH.
MY.
GOD.
This is Madness!
September 25th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I count 79 positive responses, 1 clueless, and 1 troll. Not bad.
I didn’t get the blogger reference, and even after reading something about Gibson and hackers I don’t understand. Still, I linked it to everyone I know. HILARIOUS!
I love you.
September 25th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
So… Cory Doctorow and Ron Paul are members of the same elite order of blogger assassins. Or…
September 25th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
[...] Federal Reserve Skateboard: A Short Story “Congress sold out the country, not me,” replied Bernanke. “Don’t shoot the messenger.” [...]
September 25th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
“>Marvelous. You and Sam Hughes of qntm.org must collaborate.”
glad to see that I wasn’t the only one who thought this, or who’s read sam’s fine work =)
September 25th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I want to make this into a short film. It deserves it.
Your blag runneth over with win.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
@Serotonin, Intchanter:
I– I was joking. I thought the “srsly” made that obvious? Haha, the short story did make me laugh loud enough to get kicked out of the library, I just felt that after 79 adoring comments, a clueless and negative one needed to be thrown in.
You know. For balance. And laughs.
I was joking.
-jdl
September 25th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I mean, all the things I pointed out in my comment were exactly what made the short story so funny!
Augh!
Irony, thou art a cruel mistress.
-jdl
September 25th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Wow. Truly compelling reading. Better than a novel. But now i have to fix the damn fourth wall, and what the hell am i supposed to do with Greenspan!?
September 26th, 2008 at 12:06 am
@ JDL:
Sorry dude, but have you seen Youtube comments? (see today’ comic!)
People say things exactly like that, in complete seriousness.
Irony and Sarcasm are harder to pull off on the internet. Unless you’re absolutely certain you can pull it off, I’d advise you don’t.
Even better the second time!
Man, the epic sunglasses, the fourth wall (OW! And I thought I was sore from rehearsal…) everything. Sheer genius.
Randall, you are an incredible person.
If you’re ever in San Antonio, I would love to have the opportunity to shake your hand.
September 26th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Oh, sorry.
-jdl
September 26th, 2008 at 12:43 am
“At last, Bernanke got a solid grip on Greenspan’s collar and hurled him through the fourth wall, knocking you to the ground.”
You made me shit bricks. Thanks.
At least I won’t have to feed the dog tonight.
September 26th, 2008 at 1:45 am
I wholeheartedly support creation of this youtube comment virus.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:21 am
I also loved the Firefly-esque dialogue between the secret blogents. It reminded me very much of the “Cry baby cry -” “-make your mother sigh” scene at the start of the Serenity Pilot.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:44 am
So yeah, this is pretty much the best thing ever.
September 26th, 2008 at 8:15 am
That was… awful! Lazy piece of storytelling the kind most folks write wqhen they’re ten or twelve, ridiculous jokes and a playing with language that just doesn’t seem to do anything without the subtlty and grace of writers such as adams or pratchet.
I could say more, the lack of real resolution, the poor characterisations and woeful misunderstanding of the short story medium.
But then I realise I’m being a bit of a dick, like people who put comments up complaining that the comic isn’t done with incredibly good artwork. To do so is to miss the point horribly (which I think I have done).
I guess it just bugs me as I see writing something as infinitely easier to drawing it in comic form and that having it as a visual thing just seems more real.
Does this make me a humourless bastard?
September 26th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Guy: Yes.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Props to Mr’ Randall for an excellent piece of win. I hope the angry bloggers don’t get more jealous over this, wait, they already did.
I wonder if that guy at xkcdsucks makes any money off his blog about your blog, how sad, he can’t exist without you to complain about, it would be really annoying if he was profiting from such ugly parasitism, is he making profit off of complaining about you? I want to know cause then I can make money off complaining about him complaining about you.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I would totally read this as a book. Please write it?
September 26th, 2008 at 10:14 am
The fourth wall line may be the funniest single sentence written since Terry Pratchett’s “If you went on thinking that way you may as well kill everyone and invade Poland.”
To whoever commented on pennies: pennies are not quite fiat currency. Copper has a commodity value that is close to (or even exceeds) the face value. Another run of inflation like we had in the ’70’s and pennies will go out of circulation, because their commodity value will exceed their fiat value by a factor of ten or more.
Pretty much the whole American financial system is being held up right now by the commodity value of the penny.
September 26th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Awesome.
Funniest part?
Using the gold standard to save the day.
I’m always down for a good bit of economic fantasy and this hit the spot.
September 26th, 2008 at 10:42 am
I have come to expect this kind of greatness from xkcd, so I don’t usually comment about how great things are anymore…but the Captcha made me have to post:
CAPTCHA: prevalent taxpaying
September 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
This is epic win in every sense.
September 26th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
As a graduate student in economics, Randall, you have brightened my day.
Of course, if you know any grad students in economics, you may realize that is not altogether very difficult. Be assured, I mean it as a sincere compliment. :)
Also, seriously, marry me? I swear my boyfriend won’t mind…
September 26th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Current metal value $1 face 95% Cu pennies (minted 1909-1982)
$2.03
Current metal value $1 face 97.5% Zn pennies (minted 1982-present)
$0.47
captcha: rather Fabius
September 26th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Ooh Randall, you are so talented!! You ought to write a novel!!!
September 26th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I wandered to in complain that there’s not a place under the cartoons where I can leave my slathering admiration after you make me laugh my ass off (usually twice by the time I get to the hovertext)…
(I sometimes wait until 11 pm Thursday to read Wed’s comic and then read Fridays as soon as you post it (which is admirably punctual btw) just so I can get a double-hit of goodness.)
…and *then* I read this gem!
…suddenly, I felt that the last two weeks spent reading the front page and the financial section of the Times during my lunch break was not time wasted depressing myself, but was instead, the slow, gradual buildup of this spectacular punchline.
(and although I hate to admit it, I was kinda expecting them to make out too…)
Oh, and while I’m in here being wierd in ‘public’, thanks for turning me onto Firefly. That show puts out. :)
September 26th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Ron paul should be shot
but nice story, you really should finish it.
September 27th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Guy: Perhaps, but I do know for sure it makes you someone who should proofread his comments before criticizing a semi-literary work by calling it childish. The phrase “…the kind most folks write wqhen they’re ten or twelve…” made me laugh riotously. Irony is awesome.
Also, please note that this is a blag post. If you want the awesomeness of a comic, wait until a scheduled comic day. If you want resolution to the short stories you read…you probably shouldn’t be seeking them out on the fickle, fickle Internet.
All that said, I enjoyed this even while having no clue who these people are. I think that says something.
September 27th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Did somebody read Dan Brown whilst listening to the financial news on the radio? This, this is brilliance opaque.
September 27th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
So, which Gibson has a Mainframe, William or Steve? :)
September 27th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
XKCD, if you made a book, you KNOW how many people would buy it. * Every * single * comic follower, * as well as a fair amount of people with a sense of humor. Do it.
September 28th, 2008 at 2:33 am
*still wheezing from laughter induced asthma attack*
as if the comics weren’t a kind enough gesture, then you go and write such a magnificent blag.
we all needed that, so huge thanks many times over
September 28th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
This is at least as brilliant as the comics, if not more.
lol maybe you should write a book with comics as illustrations
September 28th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
çok guzel site eline sa?l?k
http://www.sinemax.tr.cx online sinema keyfi
September 28th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
No more cok guzelling thank you.
September 28th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
I am a computer scientist in working for a major investment bank. When I saw the title I cringed a bit, since people generally don’t know what they are talking about, but this was actually quite humorous.
Good show!
Cheers!
September 29th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Oh, lord! I’m still laughing so hard I’m coughing. I need to translate this to Spanish. I really need to.
September 29th, 2008 at 2:36 am
According to wikipedia, one of Ron Paul’s children is called Randall (!)
Is he a fan?
I didn’t really have much clue what was going on here either, but it still made me laugh =)
September 29th, 2008 at 5:00 am
># Fractured Cell Says:
>September 25th, 2008 at 8:22 am
>OH.
>MY.
>GOD.
>This is Madness!
Madness?! THIS…IS…A BLAG!
Hmm, doesn’t flow as well as I’d like, but anyway. Madness is mandatory.
September 29th, 2008 at 5:06 am
I don’t think you can claim “by popular request” if the damn comic was up for less than an hour before you announced the poster on your front page.
September 29th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Zira:
Fair point re my dreadful grammar, you’re right I shouldn’t take it too seriously, I justy wanted to add a juxtaposition to all the people saying “write a book!”
Also, need I point out that the blag posts tend to be less frequent than the comics so suggesting instead of comenting on blag posts to wait for a comic is a little counter intuitive.
In summary, I didn’t like it, I don’t think it should be extended into a full length book and my ability both as a writer and a critic are negligible (notice I made no claim to be able to do any better myself).
Though in my defence, writing something where the only spell-checker I have is in itallian makes for some interesting errors
September 29th, 2008 at 8:43 am
@Ghede: The popular request was from the forum topic:
http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=28358
I agree, great story! I’m showing it to everyone!
September 29th, 2008 at 10:33 am
LOL it’s all about the alt text.
Other than that, interesting, cute, needs a bit of a writers touch to smooth things out.
What’s a Selfridge?
September 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Ghede:
This is the Internet. Everything is faster now.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Yay for the gold standard.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
[...] Read the rest [...]
September 29th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Thats a hoot
September 29th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Proof that I have been hanging with the XKCD fan crowd (and internetz) too long…(Or maybe not long enough?)
I read our friend Ghede’s post there, and my immediate reaction is: “An hour? That’s plenty of time!”
This would be and is an amazing poster.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
[...] September 30, 2008 at 3:15 am · Filed under Uncategorized From blag.xkcd.com, http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/09/23/federal-reserve-skateboard-a-short-story/ [...]
September 29th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
today’s webcomic (”Height”) is probably one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:50 am
I’m a MAGICIAN, Spencer, a FURIOUS magician.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:41 am
Randall Munroe, you are the person I am most afraid on this earth to leave with a cheese wheel.
That is all.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:32 am
um. in reference to “Height” - shouldn’t the log scale explanation (you appear to have used base 10) read that each step is a tenfold increase? if you only doubled, 46bn ly would still make for a looooong page
i may be wrong, but thought on the off-chance i’d picked up on something, i should let you know :P
September 30th, 2008 at 9:42 am
The “Height” comic is designed solely to be made into xkcd merchandise. Randall should just have announced it as a poster for sale, not as a comic.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Mr. E: Shut up. This is awesome.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Jeeeeeeeeesus Christ
Suuuuuuuuuuuperstar
Randall wears a thong and a Wonderbraaaaaaa.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
And what kind of name is Deckard Cain? Was your mother sniffing glue or something?
September 30th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I’ll betcha he’s a big Diablo II fan. I am too, so…
That’s a brilliant story you’ve got there, Randall. You should think about publishing that because it’s not half bad.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Stay awhile and listen!
October 1st, 2008 at 9:34 am
Point of order re: made-up words: Dr Seuss should be allowed at least as much leeway as Carrol.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:18 am
SciFi does annoy the heck out of me, sometimes, with all the made up words. What about old William Shakespeare, though? I mean…the man invented eyeball!
October 1st, 2008 at 11:10 am
Re: Fiction Rule of Thumb
You forgot to include Frank Herbert in the exclude list, you smeghead.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:49 am
@Komrade: In that case, we should really just include all Early Modern English writers, since, let’s face it, they pretty much standardised the language as we know it. (Though Shakespeare invented all the best new words. No love for Milton?)
October 1st, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Anathem? Forgive my sci-fi ignorance, but did he mean “anthem”, the Ayn Rand book?
October 1st, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Wow. Switchblades, crossbows, bloggers, zeppelins, economists, and more. You should seriously consider writing a book, Randall. I’d download buy a copy.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Re: Made up Words.
I think there may be a couple more exceptions to the rule, but the idea is that it is so easy to overdo the made up words, and do it badly.
Also, for the record, Tolkien didn’t just invent words. He invented an entire _language_, complete with grammar/pronunciation/word rules, so he stands lightyears above other writers in transcending this rule.
Also, yea, the early English writers did practically invent half the language, and definitely standardized it, so they’re also a rather large exception.
Amazing comics, as if anything less could come from XKCD.
I applaud thee, Mr. Munroe. Your continually expansive subject matter continues to astound and amuse me.
October 1st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
@ Arin: According to Wiki, Anathem is a book by Neal Stephenson, which apparently has so many made up words that the author included a glossary to help you keep them straight. I’m curious now…
And as far as the story above goes, although I don’t understand all the references, I did get a good laugh out of it. Cheers!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:23 am
The “Height” comic is designed solely to be made into xkcd merchandise. Randall should just have announced it as a poster for sale, not as a comic. Baby.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Hey, I think Frank Herbert gets an exception too.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Randall, that short story is great! You should totally write a novel! And then I will totally come round to your house and suck your tiny dick!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:28 pm
EPIC
EPIC
EPIC
EPIC
EPIC
EPIC
EPIC
(i figured you dont read these after they get triple digits so id make it short and simple and hopfully catch your eye. very funny, good job)
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Randall, give up on your comic. People will only buy your shitty posters and shirts for so long, you know.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
…like a burlap bag full of scrapple.
That’s a hell of an image.
October 6th, 2008 at 12:21 am
re: depth
you misspelled brian greene.
October 6th, 2008 at 12:25 am
Depth = Another poster = Combo with Height?
October 6th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Ooh you made another poster to sell! Can i buy it please? Can I pay you with semen???
October 6th, 2008 at 11:12 am
How could you leave out quarks, bosons, and even a joke about Higgs-Bosons??!
October 6th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Yay for Elegance and Universes! (referring to latest comment)
October 6th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Wait, did I say comment? I meant comic. I’m weird.
October 6th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Stack that cheese.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:45 am
Here I am to troll.
YAY! Ralph Nader saves the day and suicide bombs Ron Paul to death with some chemical called “Third party failure inevitability”.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Absolutely frikken brilliant ! My GL Michelle Quigley is a huge fan of yours, ans she sent me the link to this - being a big fan of Gibson and Sterling - you really nailed it ! Bravo !
Made my day !
Tarky7
October 7th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Has anybody noticed that youtube has started audio-previewing the comments now? I have the horrible feeling that I’m missing something.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Haha yeah I saw that youtube started doing audio previews of the comments now. I always knew this comic had influence.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:01 am
I detect an homage in the opening to the first story in David Foster Wallace’s “Oblivion”…
October 8th, 2008 at 5:29 am
But it was his idea, right? The comic wasn’t just his take on the new idea? They actually stole it from him? (Granted, it might have been an accidental thievery).
October 8th, 2008 at 7:15 am
Holy shit Randall, sorry to be off-topic but HOLY FUCKING SHIT YouTube did what you told them to do. There is now an audio preview button. HOLY AWESOME SHIT.
It took me by surprise when I clicked it unconsciously thinking it was the post comment button!
My apologies if you’ve already heard about this a billion times.
October 8th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Thats true! Its where the old “post comment” button was so a lot of people click it on instinct! I think its a sign…
October 8th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more, you write this.
I think I just came.
October 8th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
[...] Traducción al español de Federal Reserve Skateboard: a short story [...]
October 9th, 2008 at 1:20 am
For those of you who don’t get the “Is that a…blimp?” line…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAz9BYNyL4Y
The people who did it set up a for-profit company to get around McCain-Feingold, which is pretty interesting.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:11 am
[...] When xkcd takes down a fourth wall, it stays down. Got me? To read the rest of this story, which you will, the following link will prove most advantageous: Federal Reserve Skateboard [...]
October 9th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Oh my gods. You need to write a movie, or a book, or a pamphlet, or just come be my friend and talk to me non-stop because i want *more* of this kind of fracking awesome stuff. Except i’d have to move first because you SO don’t want to come to Exmouth. The estuary smells.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I have a major crush on your brain.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Brilliant! Can this be continued in a comic? Please?
October 10th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Abolish the Fed!
And the skateboard too!
October 10th, 2008 at 10:44 am
This is the funniest thing I’ve read for ages… especially the fourth wall bit! Also the idea of bloggers being an underground secret force was cool, so I went ahead and drew a whole toolkit just for fits and giggles and blagged it. It’s nothing on Randall’s style though.
Anyway, I [n]th the idea of expanding this either into a full on story or a series of comics. Awesome stuff!
October 10th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I agree with everything everyone above me said.
October 11th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
“Ser-i-al! Ser-i-al!” the mob clamored.
October 12th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Just top notch, excellent job Randall.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I want a blogoscope.
This may be the funniest thing I’ve read all month, and all the little bits from xkcd throughout just make it that much more awesome…
October 15th, 2008 at 8:04 am
@jdl
I got it. (Srsly.)
Some people can’t read sarcasm. You’d think after x hours on the internet, it’d become second nature to discern it.
Huh.
-Wave
October 15th, 2008 at 9:47 am
This blog is SO full of kissasses, it’s a bit nauseating. Yes, this comic is funny. Yes, the story was pretty good, but sweet Jesus, this man is not a god. He’s a creative writer.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:41 am
[...] good thing has come out of the financial mess: an entertaining bit of writing. See this story from Randall Munroe of XKCD. I see a future for him in the economic/nerd/adventure [...]
October 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I stand united with you in support of ringtones that actually ring! There’s nothing worse than hearing the first five seconds of a song you never liked to begin with, and in poor quality, every time your roommate’s phone rings.
(However, I will sheepishly admit to having compromised and used a ringtone that sounds like someone knocking, since “BRRRRING!” in the middle of a lecture is unmistakable, but “tock tock tock” confuses people while I can fish my phone out and turn the damn thing off in the even that I’ve forgotten to silence it to begin with.)
October 16th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
thank god for fiat money, without it the value of the metal in the nickle might actually be worth more than a nickle…oh…wait…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nickel_(United_States_coin)#Metal_value
October 18th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
[...] This story is shamelessly stolen, whole cloth, from Randall Munroe of XKCD [...]
October 19th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Beautiful.
Keep it up.
October 20th, 2008 at 8:45 am
If you write a book, I’ll give you money for it.
In whatever currency you prefer.
October 20th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I think I’ve just become a permanent reader of this-here blag.
^_^ Loved it!
October 20th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Here’s a letter I sent to Bernanke. Just in case I do get audited!
Dear Mr.Bernanke:
I am dismayed. First Mr. Greenspan says he didn’t “get” it and now you recommend another economic stimulus plan today (which equates to more money supply halving itself at this point and more that I have to pay off later). This after 1 Trillion has already been passed - only to be placed on the backs of taxpayers. We are in a severe recession, teetering on depression and still the Fed hides behind the Act itself.
The Dow has dropped 39%, from a high of 14,043 in October 2007 to below 8,600 a year later. And is only creeping up because the big boys are mopping up cheap stock. It dropped 800 points during intra-day trading on October 6, its largest one-day drop ever. European stocks, as measured by the Stoxx 600, fell 7.6%, the U.K.’s FTSE 100 dropped 7.9% and France’s CAC 40 slid 9%. These were the largest declines since 1987, and erased $2.5 trillion from global equities. The Stoxx 600 has fallen 34% this year, and trades at 10.1 times earnings, the lowest since the last recession in 2002. Housing prices are off they say 8%, I know full well it is way beyond that as I have 20% attrition rate in my neighborhood alone in Naples. I?m nearly 50% below my purchase price right now but still have to put good money after bad because I am a responsible citizen. Job rates, especially here where illegals are taking up our jobs is atrocious. Anything else you require? Retail sales?
What does it take to just say we screwed up this time, NOT the party in charge. But because of your silence you get to print more money as Obama and a one party system rules.
Please man up there Chairman! Do you know you are the only Chairman (well along with the rest of the bankers that is, because you do live by different rules than the rest of us) that gets to say the BUCK DOESN?T STOP HERE???
Fannie/Freddie sold mortgage backed securities as ?high quality paper? to governments, banks and entities that were derivative paper of extremely high risk paper. When the markets saw the housing bubble burst by you the Fed singling out area ?pockets? of overpriced homes (with Naples being the cornerstone ?pocket?) the bottom fell out with no one there to catch the fallout ? NO ONE, everyone turned a blind eye.
Am I the only one that sees see the parallels to the Great Depression? Everyone is doing the many of the same things all over again only this time with a total of A TRILLION Dollars (200 in July and 800 on Oct 6)?. way bigger numbers. I think it is a flawed economic theory and I think that as long as the deficit stayed under control we had a chance and CRA was curtailed, but no one knows what can happen to a theory when strained by deficit this much. I really truly think you are buying the flawed theory of Catchings and Fletcher and hoping it works. Everything is way overblown to bet on that madness. I am so tired of it! PLEASE MAN UP MR. CHAIRMAN!
Then you Mr. Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke take over and follow the same routine? In 2007, you, Mr. Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke went before the Independent Community of Bankers to suggest that further increasing the presence of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in the affordable housing market to help banks fulfill their CRA obligations by providing them with more opportunities to securitize CRA-related loans? In 2007???? You are the esteemed Chairman who?s recommending to Congress and the world how we are going to navigate our way out of this mess?
I cannot believe that Mr. Greenspan would not raise the interest rates back in 04 or you as soon as you took over. I know you brilliant gentlemen didn’t just suddenly and magically awaken one day, 2 short years ago, and say, ?Gee, look at housing prices. Look at the subprime debacle and the mortgage derivatives we have allowed to be sold as high quality paper…. Maybe something stinks in Denmark. We should start a ?Warning Will Robinson, Warning? campaign against this bubble to stop it! I know, let?s put it in all the headlines that Naples Florida and San Francisco are overpriced.?
Still, I’m sorry, I do not buy it. The day late, dollar short warnings really do nothing to negate the fact is that you at the Fed are quite smart enough to have known way back in 94 where this would lead, you were ALL there, or there at least soon enough after to put a stop to the madness, Mr. Greenspan, Mr. Bernanke and all the rest! And no one thought to stand up and say ‘No Way’!? I can’t help but wonder why. Why didn?t you put a stop to it?you guys are smart. You didn?t have to scream it from the rooftops, just do the little magic that you do with the rates, start selling the bonds to regain the fiat, it would have been that simple and keep doing it till the credit flow slowed.
As a whole, are we all just that naive enough to believe that you all just suddenly noticed that as a nation we were on the brink of foreclosure? I fear so. And I would even venture to bet the bankers are betting on it.
It?s a convenient thing for the Fed when everyone blames a sitting President for what happens, isn?t it? You all sit back and let it happen.
You poked that bubble as much as Greenspan did and you both did so without oversight or other action by the fed except to push the ?burst the bubble button? - without the parachute! You called the bubble, but had no fallout, stopgap plan to sop up all the hemorrhage. We saw the second market downturn after 2000-2001 Dotcom/9-11 threatening recession, it recovered, but it was still questionable…mainly the shorting recovered it.
The governments, the banks and entities who bought this junk mortgage derivative scheme started screaming. Raines (Obama?s current housing advisor) just got caught at the reigns of Fannie busy doing some serious creative accounting. I guess there?s a reason for his name, huh?
We entered a recession where inflation was still climbing but the market was falling. No one would admit it - but Greenspan - whose responsibility it was to slow the hemorrhage, ignored these warning markers and indicators and allowed interest rates to remain low. He did not sell into the markets to tighten the money until it stopped hemorrhaging and instead allowed the market to falter saying suddenly that ?controlling markets was not the job of the fed.? A fine statement if you hadn’t already controlled the free markets for so long! He ignored a paper written by the Atlanta Federal Reserve Board arm concerning the need to raise rates and control the free fall of the market ? and he summarily told them it was not their business, told Congress, the President and America all was well with some ?hiccups????
Big question mark in my mind. By refusing to address what he had started with the bubble call out, he set the stage and he kept rates relatively low. He allowed the market to hemorrhage and failed to control the markets?.he refused to see, in fact he SAID it was none of his business, that it was just pockets of areas (Naples, San Francisco, etc). When it was obvious it was a full on assault on the housing market. Why?
Now today you tell the world you?re going to add more money supply - the only “good” that halves itself when too much in supply?….Are you TRYING to go where Japan went just 5 short years ago? 0% interest and nowhere to go from there?
You know, I am just a wife, a mom and a small business owner. I don?t know a lot, but I know when something?s not right. They say we are at an 8.x% decline on houses…so why I am sitting on nearly 50%? My losses, a person who should by all rights BE ABLE TO AFFORD A HOUSE are currently: Home Value in ½ + Lower Sale Prices through continued foreclosure + my share of a $900B bailout + LIBOR fluctuations + Increased Taxes in my fledgling company + Inflation + A potential tax increase on Income + An even bigger tax for making my company grow + Stock Market losses + 401k losses and you really want to add more to that deficit? Really? I guess it doesn?t pay to make a success of your life anymore. Is that what the plan is? Gray people waiting in a Gray bread line?
The redistribution of wealth is the mantra. It?s not really about fixing the system that is quite broken indeed, you won?t even freaking admit that it is broken. It is not going all the way back to 1913 and undoing years of what has been done. It is not just suspending all foreclosures until the people can find a way out, while we just keep trying to catch up on our payments and putting every free dime into that. Nope, its ?stimulating the economy?, the panacea to the masses.
I guess it was Greenspan who said it best?.?Deficit spending is simply a scheme for the ‘hidden’ confiscation of wealth.? You, Greenspan, Clinton, Frank, Pelosi, Raines and so many others got us in this mess, but you can?t navigate the waters to get us out?
Are you really going to ask us to continue to pay for your messes? Are you really saying that it is not the banks and the lawmakers that got us into this mess who need to pay, but its us, the American People, really?
It is a fearful thing when big business and government become symbiotic and this is where we are today. NOBODY is too big to fail Mr. Chairman.
May God help you sir. I wouldn?t want to be you on judgment day. I fear you just might find out how not too big you are to fail when the bigger Man upstairs shows you this one on the big screen.
Thanks so much that my upcoming retirement is so much cat food after working hard my whole life to make a success of it.
Thank God for the Federal Reserve. Where would we be without you?
Am I gonna get audited now too?
If so, I suppose you?ll need my name and address
October 24th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Interest story :)
October 25th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I think my heart just got a boner.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
[...] a couple months old, but I think it’s worth sharing. Federal Reserve humor is hard to come by. Inside, Bernanke moved along the wall like a shadow, [...]
October 28th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Why am I reminded of James Thurber?
October 29th, 2008 at 1:39 am
This story was awesome…and go Jamie.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Nice one. Thank you for providing us with so much entertainment.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I actually searched Google for this book after reading it. Would have been a good ‘un, too.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
This is so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye - you know, the one without the patch.
November 8th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I was playing around with the audio feature.
And instead of saying “I am” it says “I A-M”.
It made me giggle.
November 9th, 2008 at 12:16 am
[...] Hilarious. Filed Under: Humor, Monetary PolicyTagged: Federal Reserve Comic, Ron Paul Superman [...]
November 12th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Nice usage of the word “parapet.” Not enough people use creative, archaic words for balustrades anymore :-( This reminds me of a twisted Carl Hiassen novel (as if he’s not twisted enough already!) But I sincerely mean that in a good way- obviously. You must get tired of all the compliments, but I must say- “pass the ducklings through the snorkel” is one of the best code phrases I’ve heard in quite a while. But it was probably not good for me to read that, because now I’m wondering if baby ducks could ever possibly fit through a snorkel. Could PETA arrest me for a valid scientific experiment of this kind? How small are the smallest ducklings, or the biggest snorkels?
I digress- just keep up the amazing stuff, as always :-)
November 27th, 2008 at 7:46 am
hi there, I enjoyed reading your short story. Check more on - http://www.shortstorybook.net , I just found this interesting
blog, last evening.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Nice usage of the word “parapet.”
December 7th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
End the Fed Los Angeles - GREAT NEW VIDEO
http://framingtheworld.blip.tv/#1541043
December 20th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Truly Inspiring.