Some Lists
After a hectic few months, I finally have some projects that are in the early stages. But since nothing is worth posting about yet, here instead is a list of phrases that (at the time of this posting) turn up no hits on Google:
- “ate a violin”
- “driver-side bidet”
- “unlike normal furries,”
- “Sarah, plain and tall and a cyborg”
- “people are too civil on the internet”
- “his penis shattered my world”
- “more like LAME-arkian theory”
- “my little horse must think it gay”
- “it turned out her bottom half was a robot”
- “Aww, a baby hooker!”
Here are some phrases that I had hoped were original when I typed them in but was disappointed:
- “full-body glissando”
- “passenger-side bidet”
- “underwater Linux”
- “Nu-Polka”
- “erotic colonoscopy”
- “Spocktoberfest”
- “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a frack.”
- “my bologna has a first name, it’s A-D-O-L-F”
And lastly, here’s a fun bash export I stumbled on:
export PS1='C:${PWD//\//\\\}>'
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 am
I think I would’ve predicted ?Frankly, my dear, I don?t give a frack.? to have a highly likelihood of appearing on the intertubes.
The rest, though, are quite surprising.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:43 am
You’d think so, but it only had one hit.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:45 am
“there was no deodorant to be had”
No hits.
“we had sex in the walk-in freezer”
One.
“My girlfriend watches too much star trek”
None.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 am
“Obama is a Muslim” - 624,000
“Obama is a Nazi” - 8,730
“Obama is a Freemason” - 313
“Obama caused 9/11″ - 130
“Obama is a replicant” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:52 am
Only one knows the truth…
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 am
“that’s when I hit the grizzly” : 0
“lesbian bear”: 5,480 hits
“intelligent trekkie”: 6 hits
“Optimus Prime Porn”: 487 hits…and some interesting image results
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 am
obligatory your mom plug…
“Obama is a your mom” - 0
“your mom watches too much star trek” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:08 am
“strap-on breakfast” - 4
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:11 am
“I’ve had it up to here with this orgasm” 0 hits
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:19 am
“That’s not a molotov, it’s an arm” - 0 hits (as heard on an l4d game)
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:28 am
“Polka for everybody”: 8
“Polka for children”: 7
“Polka for adults”: 1
“Polka for profit”: 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 am
“obama ate my car”
“dancers with assault rifles”
“the iphone is the worst device ever”
“i accidentally slept with a deer”
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:35 am
“fun bash export” : 4 results
And it actually had only one result before you wrote about it.
Congratulations, you are geek of the week.
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:41 am
“iPhones are moderately priced”
“Shark Attraction Ray”
“I ate the whole tire”
“Stupidity will doom America”
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:51 am
Inspired by my ReCaptcha:
“I own a giant coat”
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:53 am
I found one :D
“Republican debates are porn”
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:58 am
“differential equations saved my life” - 0 results
“i picked her nose” - 3 results
“puked on the ottoman” - 3 results
“Children of the Mind is my favorite Ender book” - 0 results
“he didn’t want to feel my breasts” - 0 results
“rechargeable panties” 5 results (!)
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 am
Finding and posting these is like drinking fine wine. The experience can be exquisite; but then, it’s gone. The bottle is empty, and a google search returns a result for this very page.
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:02 am
“My job is fun and rewarding” - 5 hits
Apparently everyone but 5 of us out there have shitty jobs
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:03 am
Unfortunately, the search for any of the ones you mentioned now turns up… this blag page.
“operation plural Z alpha” Seems so obvious…
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:06 am
–> “erotic colonoscopy”
I call Rule 34 on that. However, I’m hardly surprised that it’s not new.
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:20 am
“inebriated cellist” - 1 result
“Ian Holm fan club” - 3 results
“chess for Wookies” - 0 results (!)
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:22 am
“I had sex with your mom” - 9,570 hits
“I didn’t have sex with your mom” - 4 hits
“That’d be like fucking a ball of hair” - 1 hit
“I didn’t have sex with your mom, that’d be like fucking a ball of hair” - 1 hit
“erotic dentistry” - 677 hits
“erotic nursing home” - 8 hits
“erotic skulduggery” - 4 hits
“erotic snafu” - 1 hit
“erotic vector calculus” - 0 hits
“anal acrobatics” - 1,050 hits
“anal linguistics - 197 hits
“anal spectroscopy” - 111 hits
“anal forensics” - 9 hits
“anal rappelling” - 0 hits
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:25 am
I’m intruiged at the thought of a full body glissando. And indeed, what a partial body glissando would involve
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:35 am
I think we can safely conclude that Obama is not a replicant. However, “Obama is a cylon” has more results than “Obama is a freemason.” Should this cause us to worry?
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:49 am
“and thus ended the reign of google”
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:31 am
I found one the other day. Shall we pop its Google cherry right here? Let’s.
“A selection of erotic cheeses”
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:36 am
“Luke, I am your father” - 51100
“Luke, I am your grandma” - 320
“Luke, I am your second cousin twice removed” - 72
“Luke, I am your sister-in-law” - 1
“Luke, I am your third grade teacher” - 0
Actually took me longer than expected to find one with no results…
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:50 am
Incidentally, “did not eat a violin” also gives no results. Oops, did I just find a logical contradiction?
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:40 am
Nieske, won’t the paradox you just discovered destroy the fabric of the internet and transform it into something even more mind boggling?
I wonder what will happen when I click submit.
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:44 am
“Luke, you ate a violin”
Spoiling the fun of others - priceless!
I also thought of another paradox - a page listing phrases yielding no google results. It’s a pity that robots exclusion spoils it.
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:45 am
“let’s talk about sex” - 399,000
“let’s talk about my mother” - 11,900
“let’s talk about your mother” - 1,190
“let’s talk about linear algebra” - 2
“let’s talk about polka” - 1
“let’s talk about the Riemann Zeta Function” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:06 am
“republican dickwad” - 243 results
“democrat dickwad” - 1 result
really?
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 am
“who owns xkcd” - no results asks however suggests numerous without quotes
qwertyuiopasdfghjkl - 55000 - ???? makes me wonder if there is people at google creating webpages filled with gibberiesh so there is numourous results
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:26 am
“libertarian dickwad” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:33 am
Well, of COURSE the Lamarckian search didn’t turn up any results! At least Lamarck’s theory of evolution was testable, and could be falsified as easily as any scientific theory of modification.
(double-checks)
Nope, adding the “c” didn’t give any results. Nor does ”more like LIE-senko theory”, though removing the quotes does give one hit.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:36 am
“mudkip is my homeboy” - 0 hits
“I had sex at google” - 0 hits
“My calculator is not making me gay . . . yet” - 0 hits
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am
“math sucks” - 30,300
“calc sucks” - 458
“math humor sucks” - 5
“xkcd.com sucks” - 0 w00t!
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
That should be driver and passenger side-bidets, surely?
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:22 am
@Ed,
Your search just shows that Democrats are quicker to resort to namecalling than Republicans…
As the proverb says, “If you have the facts on your side, pound the facts. If you have the law on your side, pound the law. If you have neither on your side, pound the table.”
That is all.
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:26 am
“kick start my heart” -32400
“kick start my motorcycle” - 56
“kick start my velociraptor” - 0
also..
“outdoor colonoscopy” - 3
“bear colonoscopy” - 10
“moondust pancakes” - 1
weird…
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:28 am
I don’t give a frack - 4
i don’t give a fracking frack - 0.
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:29 am
“Luke, I am your lover” > 601 results
“Luke, I am your wife” > 7 results
“Luke, I am your husband” > 2 results
“Luke, I am your girlfriend” > 4 results
“Luke, I am your boyfriend” > 4 results
“Luke, I am your widow” > 0 results
“Luke, I am your significant other” > 1 results
“Luke, I am your gay lover” > 6 results
“Luke, I am your straight lover” > 0 results
“Luke, I am gay” > 9 results
“Luke, I am straight” > 2 results
“Search your kitchen counter, you know it to be true” > 0 results
“Search your living room, you know it to be true” > 0 results
“Search your kidneys, you know it to be true” > 0 results
(Oddly enough, there are only 466 results for “search your heart, you know it to be true”)
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
“her nudity was terrifying” - 0 results
“I was so drunk, all the stars were helicopters” - 0 results
“all your soprano are belong to us” - 0 results
“i accidentally ate your god” - 1 result
people are less awesome than I expected
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 am
Fred, I’m afraid you’re the only person feeling that way.
“people are less awesome than I expected” - 0 results
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 am
“there is no spoon” - 371,000
“there is no fork” - 6,330
“there is no spork” - 3,650
“there is no spatula” - 505
“there is no meat skewer” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:16 am
God, I’m such a geek. That export’s hilarious. LOL
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:20 am
“She smelled like bacon” - 118 results
“She smelled like ham” - 6 results
“She smelled like a Star Trek convention” - 0 results
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
“explosive kitten infrastructure”
“drink moxie, get dizzy”
“born to drive the short bus”
“alonzo alfonso the sea-going kitty cat”
The last one was a cheat code on a qbasic game someone found on a BBS in middle school that we passed around. The game was different because the man and the noose were replaced by a slug on a conveyor belt that emptied into a giant vat of salt. It was beautiful.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:38 am
I wonder if someone at Google looking at logs will be wondering what caused the sudden upsurge in weird (err, weirder) search terms than usual today..
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 am
[...] you xkcd! …perfect idea for a post title, but no inspirado for the actual content of the [...]
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:05 am
I was about to let it go, but…
There’s need to export PS1, it should be read from .bashrc and not from the environment.
Your power to create Google trends still amazes me. Keep it up.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:11 am
What does the Bash export do? I’m too lazy to boot into Linux, and am vaguely paranoid about it crash my computer.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 am
Thank you Dan, “kick start my velociraptor,” caused coffee to shoot out my nose.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:31 am
“Obama is a Werewolf” - 2,130
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:39 am
“Transatlantic trebuchet” - 1
Blast! Someone already did it..
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:57 am
Still room for improvement, though…
“earth-moon trebuchet” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
A similar feature came up several years ago on Brunching Shuttlecocks. Not looking for phrases with zero hits, but rather, a comparison of # of hits for various phrases:
http://www.brunching.com/morealtavista.html
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 pm
“What would you do for clown dyke bar” - 0
“What would you do for Obama” - 3
“What would you do for Yo Momma” - 0
“What would you do for Your Mom” - 5
“What would you do for My Mom” - 0
“clown rape” - 3300
“wookie rape” - 464
“mario rape” - 375
“velociraptor rape” - 105 (!)
“Optimus Prime rape” - 23 (?)
“big black bear rape” - 1
“giant panda rape” - 0
“xkcd rocks” - 1800
“xkcd sucks” - 538
“xkcd r00lz” - 2
“xkcd sux” - 41
“xkcd is awesome” - 1910
“xkcd is lame” - 343
“xkcd r0x” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Mitch, that’s pretty cool. But wow, the internet has grown since nine years ago.
THEN:
“I love myself”:1394
“I hate myself”: 3065
NOW:
“I love myself”: 622,000
“I hate myself”: 1,230,000
(who still searches with Altavista, anyway?)
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
“everything on wikipedia is wrong” - 6
“everything on wikipedia is correct” - 9
“champagne enema” - 11,100
“i’m glad i watched Caligula” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
“may I borrow a pencil” - 339
“may I borrow a pen” - 309
“may I borrow a calculator” - 5
“may I borrow your mom” - 0
Interesting how people’s priorities are organized.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Guh, actually, “your mom” brings up six; I apparently cannot spell.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
“Vanilla Ice is the best rapper alive” - 6
“MC Hammer is the best rapper alive” - 1
“Suck my Spock” - 1,520
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
>>(Oddly enough, there are only 466 results for “search your heart, you know it to be true”)
That’s because it’s ’search your feelings; you know it to be true.’ JEEZ.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
“it’s spelled wookiee” - 659 results
“it’s spelled wookie” - 7 results
“it’s spelled pedantic” - 34 results
“it’s spelled Lebesgue” - 2 results
“it’s spelled slashfic” - 0 results
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
“If I had a nickel” - 103,000
“If I had a nickle” - 16,800 (…)
“If I had a dime” - 91,600
“If I had a quarter” - 33,500
“If I had a fifty cent piece” - 1
“If I had a dollar coin” - 3
“If I had a two dollar bill” - 0
“If I had a three dollar bill” - 1 (?)
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
so, what does the bash export do? for those of us gifted neither with mad computational knowledge nor linux…
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm
“Shaq is the best rapper alive” - 4
3 more fans than MC Hammer, but still two behind Vanilla Ice. Maybe he should just make more movies.
“Shaq should make more movies” - 1
Guess not.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
“brother, can you spare a million” - 4,160
“brother, can you spare a billion” - 13,600
“brother, can you spare a trillion” - 185
“brother, can you spare a quadrillion” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 pm
@mrhthepie (”What does the Bash export do?”):
Looks to me like it gives you a windows-style prompt, e.g.
C:\usr\bin>
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:58 pm
“concerned about the possibility of raptors” - 1
“the raptor was having none of it” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
“Buttered toast” - 409,000
“Buttered cheerios” -149
“Buttered silicone” - 82
“Buttered graphite” - 0
“Buttered submarine” - 4
“Buttered u-boat” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
“‘Tis the East, and Juliet is the sun.” - 481
“‘Tis the East, and Romeo is the sun.” - 3
“‘Tis the East, and your mom is the sun.” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
“tennis with velociraptors” = 0
I’m kind of surprised that there aren’t any for that one, actually.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
“joe six pack”: 1,400,000
“average bubba”: 1,540,000
I fear for the country
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
What, no “erotic vector calculus”?
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
A suggestion:
Why not post your WIN with underscores instead of spaces?
Slightly extra trouble for us to verify, but keeps it’s uniqueness, until it gets trolled. But hey.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
“I fear velociraptors.” - 8
“I don’t fear velociraptors.” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Because this way, when someone else searches for it, they see that I thought of it first. The same way I see Ryan Finnie’s phrases.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
“keep austin weird” - 73,000
“keep texas weird” - 111
“keep the internet weird” - 10
“keep mexico weird” - 6
“keep california weird” - 4
“keep wisconsin weird” - 1
“keep mafia weird” - 0
“keep puerto rico weird” - 0
“keep your mom weird” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
no velociraptors left behind: 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:47 pm
“My cerebrum is burning” 2 results
“My cerebrum is on fire” 1 result
“My cerebrum is exploding” nada
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
“object oriented programming” - 3,390,000
“service oriented programming” - 70,600
“Linux oriented programming” - 7
“Microsoft oriented programming” - 5
“assembly oriented programming” - 5
“Obama oriented programming” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
“John McCain is a nice man” - 777
“Barack Obama is a nice man” - 10
“John McCain is a cool guy” - 5
“Barack Obama is a cool guy” - 6
“John McCain is the antichrist” - 1740
“Barack Obama is the antichrist” - 21,100
The interwebs are not kind to our President-elect…
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
“google searches with no results” - 234
“google searches with zero results” - 1
“google searches with 0 results” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
“obama loves porn” - 0
“America loves porn” - 137
“Japan loves porn” - 3 (odd…)
“China loves porn” - 609
“my mom loves porn” - 0
“your mom loves porn” - 817
“I love porn” - 92,300
“Jesus loves porn” - 83,800
Appreantly America loves porn more than Japan, but not as much as China.
It also turns out Jesus loves porn a lot, but not as much as I do.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:17 pm
“Search your selection of erotic cheeses, you know it to be true.”
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
“erotic deconstructionism”: 0 results
“erotic ecoterrorism”: 0 results
“erotic postal services”: 0 results
“erotic erotica”: 133, 000 results
“Smash, crash, you’re dead”: 0 results
“I flunked out of pre-school”: 4 results
“Republicans are gay porn”: 0 results
“I want McCain’s schlong”: 0 results
“I want Obama’s schlong”: 0 results
“schlong”: 854, 000 results.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:33 pm
“transpacific trebuchet” (there’s still time, Pat!)
“erotic deconstructionism”
“I like hitler’s early work”
“velociraptors attack henry paulson”
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
“I slept with your dog” -9
“I slept with your porn” -0
“I slept with porn” -3
“I slept with your cheese” -0
“I slept with cheese” -0
“I slept with your obama” -0
“I slept with obama” -5
“I slept with your clinton” -0
“I slept with clinton” -5
“I slept with mom” -351
“I slept with my mom” -2400
“I slept with his mom” -9
“I slept with her mom” -1280
“I slept with Stacey’s mom” -2
“I slept with staceys mom” -0
“I ate a purple orange” -3
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
“I slept with king kong” -1
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
>>“erotic deconstructionism”: 0 results
Oh, snap.
“erotic New Criticism” - 0
“erotic formalism” - 137
“erotic structuralism” - 0
“erotic post-structuralism” - 0
“erotic Marxism” - 9
“erotic post-colonialism” - 0
“erotic new historicism” - 0
“erotic reader-response criticism” - 0
I guess literary theory just isn’t that sexy.
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“make love, not war” - 800,000
“make war, not love” - 66,800
“make ice cream, not frozen custard” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
“she just exploded on me” -544
“he just exploded on me” -465
“it just exploded on me” -208
“just exploded on me” -473 (?)
“erotic lesbian” -1200000
“lesbian explosion” -5170
“erotic explosion” -2080
“exploding lesbian” -502
“erotic purple explosion” -3
“erotic lesbian explosion” -0
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
The “A-D-O-L-F” one only had one result and that was your post.. there was a message that one result had been removed due to child pornography though.
Wait, what?
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
“i’m the first person to type this in google”
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
@mrhthepie: I *think* it makes your command prompt look like the DOS prompt. Not sure, though.
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
@Joshua, @xkcd: Using underscores instead of spaces won’t help. Google generally treats punctuation and whitespace identically (in the context of phrase searches.)
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
“transgalactic trebuchet” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
“I just did something vaguely unethical” - 0.
I think I’m the only one honest about it. Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as just copy-pasting the list! (there’s a story for you to read and all) We’ll see when/how it shows up.
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
“pangalactic trebuchet”
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
“over 9000.0000Hz” <- infinite google fail
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
“which is exactly what I expected a female Borg to do”.
I couldn’t bear to read all the comments, but you should totally do something with all these phrases. Like dare people to write stories using only them. In fact, I’ll do it myself.
I dare you, readers of this blag, to write a coherent story using nothing but phrases in the original lists and those in the comments. Entries will be judged by the community and the final winner will be awarded ten (10) internets. Go.
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Searching Google:
“yahoo”- 2,540,000,000
“google”- 2,800,000,000
“yahoo is better than google”- 788
“google is better than yahoo”- 1,020
“google is better than google”- 0
“yahoo is better than yahoo”- 1 (?)
“redundant statement is redundant”- 176
Searching Yahoo:
“google”- 5,550,000,000
“yahoo”- 8,580,000,000
“google is better than yahoo”- 1,990
“yahoo is better than google”- 1,590
“yahoo is better than yahoo”- 0
“google is better than google”- 4
“redundant statement is redundant”- 73
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
“search your database, you know it to be true” - 0
“search your bookmarks, you know it to be true” - 0
“search your glove compartment, you know it to be true” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
“i’m fucking matt damon” 47,300
“i’m fucking ben affleck” 30,300
“i’m fucking obama” 2,740
“i’m fucking your mom” 862
“I’m fucking joe sixpack” 0
“i’m fucking bob dole” 3
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
85 for “you spilled my milk”
142 for “you spilled my beer”
0 for “you spilled my dog”
0 for “you spilled my calculus”
2 for “you spilled my brains”
834 for “spilled brains”
457 for “spilled dog”
402 for “spilled house”
3 for “spilled math”
105(!) for “spilled linux”
1 for “spilled gerunds”
2 for “spilled calculus”
7 for “spilled helicopter”
10 for “spilled gravity”
No results found for “spilled velociraptor”.
Finally, something you can’t spill
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Ooh, this reminds me of when I spent far too much time googlewhacking.
What is googlewhacking, you ask? You search google for two words - not in quotes - that return one and only one result.
Compare and preen at http://www.googlewhack.com/
Amusingly, several of their favorites are no longer whacks, as web content and google’s DB have grown. And many old whacks now link to the original site… as well as googlewhack.com . There’s probably a word for that, something that’s not quite irony. :P
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:02 pm
“Darth Vader is my father”-553
“Darth Vader is your father”-159
“Darth Vader is your mom”-3
“Darth Vader is my mom”-1
“Luke Skywalker is gay”-1600
“Luke Skywalker is gay for Han Solo”-0
“Luke Skywalker is gay for Chewbacca”-0
“Luke Skywalker is gay for Jabba the Hutt”-0
And neither “Captain Archer is hott” or “Captain Archer is hot” have any results…yes, that had to be done…
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Bob Dylan uses KDE
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
@Sam Phippen: Wow, that’s weird. A spelling correction that’s no different than the original text. What’s up with that?
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:11 pm
“velociraptors suck”: 46 hits, none of them on xkcd.com
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Believe me, there is nothing erotic about a colonoscopy. Still, I’m not surprised it returns results.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
“erotic flash” - 222,000
“erotic java” - 67,900
“erotic C#” - 802
“erotic basic” - 574
“erotic python” - 371
“erotic ML” - 313
“erotic smalltalk” - 41 (mostly in German)
“erotic C++” - 10
“erotic lisp” - 8
“erotic perl” - 6
“erotic haskell” - 6
“erotic fortran” - 5
“erotic prolog” - 2
“erotic applescript” - 0
“erotic cobol” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:30 pm
No results found for “midget grandma bestiality porn”.
Seriously. The internet has let me down.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
“velociraptor trebuchet”
Wouldn’t that be a nasty suprise.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I was concerned about the number of results for “clown rape” because … well let’s just say I know people on the intarblogs. So just to be sure I used a slightly modified search:
“surprise clown sex” (2)
I’m still concerned about this.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
“I am so glad I didn’t blag about that deer incident.”
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
“Michael Phelps is Obama” - 7
“Obama is Michael Phelps” - 3
“Michael Phelps ate my neighbors” - 0
“Michael Phelps ate my balls” - 0
“Michael Phelps ate your mom” - 0
“Michael Phelps is the antichrist” - 1
“Michael Phelps is gay” - 1020
“Michael Phelps isn’t gay” - 8
“Michael Phelps does nude calculous” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:43 pm
“raped by a cuisinart”
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:51 pm
@ Avish- wish: GRANTED.
I shall call my masterpiece:
People are too civil on the internet
“I just did something vaguely unethical.”
I looked over at her. This was not a good sign. “Go on…”
“Well…you know how I like hitler’s early work…”
We’ve had the argument before. I just gave her an exasperated look. “Yeah?”
“Well…I decided to try and…recreate…some of his pieces.”
“What, using the spilled brains of jewish children?? What did you DO?”
“Okay…So first I built this transgalactic trebuchet.”
“My cerebrum is burning.”
“It’s not that bad! Okay, remember the no velociraptors left behind program? Well…I don’t fear velociraptors.”
“Oh god. You launched them. Are there spilled velociraptors all over Andromeda now or something?”
“Um.”
“There are, aren’t there.”
“Well yeah, but that wasn’t my fault! I was so drunk, all the stars were helicopters, and then I spilled the calculus calculations and…”
“uh-huh.”
“okay well…that wasn’t all I launched….but it made this great erotic purple explosion!”
“What’d you do…”
“Okay, you aren’t gonna like it, but just remember that Jesus loves porn, and that’s wrong…”
“You launched…Jesus. You launched the son of god. Into the Andromeda galaxy.”
“He was a sinner! I caught him looking at porn! And he totally ate a violin.”
“This is clearly grounds for space-launching.”
“Okay, so that was bad. But I had to get rid of Obama!”
“Hey! I’m fucking obama!”
“But Obama is a Werewolf!”
“You’re lying.”
“Search your database, you know it to be true.”
“Well Fine! I slept with your dog, AND I slept with Stacey’s mom!!”
She gasped. “You didn’t!!”
“I did. And you know what? Yahoo is better than google. Yeah, I said it.”
“Yeah? Well everything on wikipedia is wrong! And you can suck my Spock! And… And…”
She was already red, but when she started swelling up as she shouted I started to get worried. I backed away from her.
“Hey, hey, calm down!”
“Republicans are gay porn! And Barack Obama is the antichrist! And Vanilla Ice is the best rapper alive!!!!”
And then she just exploded on me. It turned out her bottom half was a robot.
Well, that’s the best I can do. Back to my homework!
P.S. bonus point to anyone who actually reads all this crap.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
“Kirk’s phasers of love” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
“xp is better than vista” - 3,900
“os x is better than vista” - 2,280
“linux is better than vista” - 2,290
“dos is better than vista” - 6
“windows 3.1 is better than vista” - 5
“windows 95 is better than vista” - 87
“windows 98 is better than vista” - 6
“windows me is better than vista” - 8
“windows 2000 is better than vista” - 1
“beos is better than vista” - 0
“os/2 is better than vista” - 0
“bsd is better than vista” - 0
“windows 1.0 is better than vista” - 0
Mmm, hyperbole. I’m not surprised some of the more obscure ones didn’t get hits, but surely, at some point in time, someone made the argument that the original version of Windows is better than Vista.
Also,
“windows 7 is better than vista” - 216
“vista is better than xp” - 12,300
“vista is better than os x” - 2,470
“vista is better than linux” - 1,730
Interesting, interesting…
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
“Jaguar XK CD-ROM” - 0
“inexpensive blinkenlights” - 0 :(
“sneeze over ethernet” - 0
“Sonic & Uncles” - 0
“Sonic and Uncles” - 0
“patch panel sequencer” - 0
“melismatic consonant” - 0
“paper tape reader” - 19,000
“magnetic tape reader” - 3,630
“mylar tape reader” - 7
“dymo tape reader” - 0
“Perhaps I have more important things to be doing right now.” - 0
“There are no results for this string.” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
“how long until dinner?” - 450
“how long until elevenses?” - 0
“how long until beer o’ clock?” - 5 :D
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 pm
“monkeys and explosives” = 2
“monkeys with explosives” = 6
“monkeys playing with explosives” = 2
unfortunatly there were no videos and the results werent actually of explosive wielding monkeys
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
“I hate french essays” - 10
“I hate economics essays” - 2
“I hate velociraptor essays” -0
“the internet was never good” - 6
“your mom was never good” - 0
I like this game. :D
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 pm
“my boyfriend plays too many video games” - 6
“my girlfriend plays too many video games” - 0
ah, gender…
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:42 pm
“Daniel Craig is the best Bond” - 7,400
“Roger Moore is the best Bond” - 3,220
“Timothy Dalton is the best Bond” - 2,010
“Pierce Brosnan is the best Bond” - 753
“Sean Connery is the best Bond” - 707
“George Lazenby is the best Bond” - 8
“David Niven is the best Bond” - 5
“James Bond, Jr. is the best Bond” - 0
(But that show still ROCKED)
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Adrian, I believe you’ve developed an ingenious way to solve some age-old debates…
“adam west is the best batman” - 67
“val kilmer is the best batman” - 9
“george clooney is the best batman” - 4
“michael keaton is the best batman” - 246
“christian bale is the best batman” - 2,410
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
“velociraptor-proof doorknob” - 0
“velociraptor-proof safe house” - 0
“velociraptor-proof area” - 0
“velociraptor-proof captcha” - 0
“sanctuary against velociraptors” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:31 pm
nice story, Isaleen
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:37 pm
“no child left behind” - 2930000
“no food left behind” - 2900
“no adult left behind” - 1660
“no robot left behind” - 170
“no reporter left behind” - 142
“no clown left behind” - 62
“no palin left behind” - 8
“no porn left behind” - 4
“no obama left behind” - 4
“no mario left behind” - 2
“no kite left behind” - 2
“no lemming left behind” - 2
“no velociraptor left behind” - 2 (!)
“no wookiee left behind” - 1
“no math left behind” - 1
“no trebuchet left behind” - 1 (!)
“no fetish left behind” - 1 (google says 2, but its the same thing twice.)
“no mccain left behind”- 0
“no purple erotic explosion left behind” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:38 pm
The googlewhackers are going to hate us.
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I work on a robot submarine that runs linux underwater.
CUAUV is a proud user of Debian.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:06 pm
“velociraptor ate my homework” - 4 hits
“velociraptors ate my homework” - 0 hits
“velociraptor ate my mom” - 0 hits
“velociraptors ate my mom” - 7 hits
From which we can determine that our concern about a lone velociraptor is quite unwarranted (unless you are very attached to your homework), but a gang of velociraptors is something to be fearful of (and they won’t be distracted by your homework)
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Any phrases put on this website will become part of Google’s results. So saying phrase “xxx” does not exist in Google’s results will soon turn out to be false. It’s like saying: “This sentence is false.”
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 pm
“i had sex with Randall Munroe” = 0
“i want to have sex with Randall Munroe” = 0
a surprising result you may want to work on fixing
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 pm
@Freiddie:
No, it’s like saying “This sentence is ABOUT to be false.”
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:17 pm
“Isaleen Grey is full of win” -0
We should fix this.
“purple velociraptor” -328
“lesbian velociraptor” -30
“erotic velociraptor” -1
“not velociraptor-proof” -1
“exploding lesbian velociraptor” -0
“purple monkey” -118000
“lesbian monkey” -13100
“erotic monkey” -939
“erotic lesbian monkey” -3
“lesbian purple monkey” -1
“exploding purple monkey” -0
“exploding lesbian monkey” -0
“exploding erotic monkey” -0
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Mike:
“erotic vector calculus” - 0 hits
That’s really surpsising, considering the Uncyclopedia page about vector calculus is just one big joke about normal vectors. And soup.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
redondos:
“Your power to create Google trends still amazes me” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:48 pm
There’s something poetic about “Sarah, plain and tall and a cyborg” that really resonates with me.
Hey, can’t you pull a little inverse SEO-foo and block those spiders from crawling through these posts on your blag so as not to spoil these once majestic finds? Or is that the point?
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:52 pm
“the final winner will be awarded ten (10) internets” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
“you sank my velociraptor”
“elmer fudd and a velociraptor in a steel cage”
“the blair velociraptor project”
“the blair menudo project”
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
“Long story short, you want to wear the daddy pants” - 0 results
“It was Ash, in the workshed, with the boomstick” - 0 results
“Before Rasputin could reload the shotgun, Feynman had disappeared”- 0 results
“erotic Number Theory”- 0 results
@adrian:
It’s more like saying “By the time you read this phrase, it will be false”
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:01 pm
“obama is fat” 9
“obama is optimus prime” 6
“obama is a borg” 2
“obama is a velociraptor” 1
“obama is a raptor” 0
“obama is your mom” 0
“obama is erotic” 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:04 pm
“summer glau is the new president” - 0 (!)
“i killed the babel fish” - 0
“the babel fish ate a violin” - 0
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:06 pm
You forgot:
“Darth Obama” -1610
“obama is purple” -490
“obama is darth vader” -239
“Barack Vader” -111
“obama is your father” -3
“obama is lesbian” -1
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
“buttered werewolf” - 0
“buttered velociraptor” - 0
“buttered obama” - 130
“buttered mccain” - 132
“it’s only a matter of time before this shows up on google” - 0
“i wonder when this will show up on google” - 0
“I’m still waiting for it to show up on google” - 0
“now it shows up on google” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 pm
10 hits for “I’d like to thank everyone at 4chan for making me successful and happy”
It looked like every example was written after the comic.
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:33 pm
“pants-free headset”, zero hits
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:30 pm
0 results:
“I honestly believe people are fundamentally good”
“the starfish knows all”
“Heath Ledger doesn’t deserve an Oscar for playing the Joker”
“I would have fallen in love with you if you hadn’t jumped out the window” (response to http://xkcd.com/439/)
“the canoe came to life”
“I plan to die with clothes on”
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Huh, my RSS wasn’t showing there was a new blog post.
Anyways, are you planning on implementing all of those things somehow in the future? Good luck.
<>: 242 000 results. Waaaht?
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
“she comprehends but she doesn’t understand”
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I have no idea why my last post did that. Anyways, I was trying to say:
“Eat Cat5″ returns 242 000 results. Wow.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm
sorry that last one was 1, a fanfiction.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Also, “ate a violin” returns 1 500 000+ results for me…
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I was watching some weird cooking/travel show that had items like this:
“gourmet nut balls” - 0
“gourmet ass cheeks” - 1
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 pm
[...] I want to fuck up your evil plan by posting the [...]
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm
“I’ve been told by a reliable source that Methyl Phenidate means
Felicitous Nativity in Dutch.” — 1 result
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm
?Let them eat cake?- 492000
?Let them eat pie? -4540
?Let them eat torte? -9
?Let them eat buffalo? -6
?Let them eat your mom? -1
?Let them eat velociraptor? -0
“Let them eat whatever they’ll make themselves” -0
Lazy kids these days.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Whoops, stupid quotation marks.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:41 pm
[...] a blatant ripoff of this blog post from everyone’s favorite stick figure webcomic I decided to try out a few [...]
December 4th, 2008 at 12:04 am
That is so awesome. i found some interesting ones….
“Republican on Toast”
“Eat that gutter slut!”
“I am turned on by smelly toes”
and my favorite…
“Toe Orgasm”
December 4th, 2008 at 12:11 am
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/23/AR2007052301290.html
Saw it a while ago in the Washington Post magazine, still always amusing
December 4th, 2008 at 12:17 am
“zero gravity distillery”
December 4th, 2008 at 12:56 am
I just figured this needed to be mentioned, as I’ve not seen it here in the comments yet, but XKCD is featured as one of MSNBC’s top 15 Geeky Gifts for 2008:
http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/12/03/1697462.aspx
Check it out!
December 4th, 2008 at 12:57 am
“Jesus is Optimus Prime” -One result.
December 4th, 2008 at 12:59 am
“Pardon my French” - 229,000 results
“Pardon my Urdu” - 166 results
“Pardon my Quechua” - 1 result
“Pardon my Algonquin” - 0 results
“I can’t believe I ate the whole thing” - 41,300 results
“I can’t believe I ate the whole brain” - 0 results
“I can’t believe I ate the whole velociraptor” - 0 results
“The cake is a lie” - 313,000 results
“The velociraptor is a lie” - 0 results
December 4th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Sçyn.dll: You’re searching without quotes. With quotes, only a few show up.
December 4th, 2008 at 1:36 am
“minesweeper porn” - 291 (the first link is a Rule 34 reference)
“minesweeper erotica” - no results
Clearly, the stuff that is available is not of the classier variety.
December 4th, 2008 at 1:54 am
“velociraptor dismembering” - 0
“The internet has no king” - 1
“I regret jail” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 2:05 am
“Bible slash” - 743
“God is a furry” - 10 (!)
“Nietzsche is a furry” - 0
…
…
“Oompa Loompa at Hooters” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 2:13 am
“xp is better than xp” - 1
“vista is better than vista” - 3
“cardigan rape” - 4 …
“my cat gave me cancer” - 2
“50 cent looks like a beaver” - 5 people agree
“Sarah palin has down syndrome” - 761 people agree!
“Sarah palin is fucking matt damon” - 8
“regular expressions saved my life” - 5 (of course they did)
“better than firefly” 1180 people are WRONG on the internet
December 4th, 2008 at 2:30 am
“i want to be a girlfriend” (2,090)
“i want to be a good girlfriend” (1,010)
“i want to be a great girlfriend” (3)
“i want to be an awesome girlfriend” (1)
“i want to be a boyfriend” (9)
“i want to be a good boyfriend” (1,060)
“i want to be a great boyfriend” (6)
“i want to be an awesome boyfriend” (1)
“i want to be a wife” (49,400)
“i want to be a good wife” (5,140)
“i want to be a great wife” (367)
“i want to be an awesome wife” (6)
“i want to be a husband” (4,390)
“i want to be a good husband” (1,750)
“i want to be a great husband” (733)
“i want to be an awesome husband” (2)
“i want to be a donut” (6)
“i want to be randall munroe” (1) :C
December 4th, 2008 at 2:36 am
Spocktoberfest is clearly too awesome a concept to not exist on the internet. Infact, it is also too awesome a concept to not exist as a poster on my wall…
December 4th, 2008 at 2:37 am
“lesbian spank inferno volume 2″ - 1 (2 but they are the same)
“Chuck Norris-saurus” - 7
“Chuck Norris-saurus is a velociraptor”- 0
“Randall Munroe should come to the University of Chicago” - 0
hint hint…
You’d be a better speaker than James Carville that’s for sure.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:24 am
>>“Sarah palin has down syndrome” - 761 people agree!
that is clearly because off the child of hers with down syndrome…
December 4th, 2008 at 4:26 am
“I did something good” 39.400 hits
“I did something funny” 4.260 hits (apparently people think they are funny)
“I did something naughty” 3.690 hits
“I did something terrible” 7.460
“I did something with velociraptors” 0 hits
December 4th, 2008 at 5:42 am
“Spoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon”
Minimum length to get no results.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:50 am
“he is too hot for me” - 238 hits
“she is too hot for me” - 1020
uhum…
“he is too rich for me” - 3 hits
“she is too rich for me” - 3 hits too
December 4th, 2008 at 8:53 am
“Sex is better than Vista” - 0 hits
“vista is better than sex” - 2 hits
Damn! people have their priorities confused!
December 4th, 2008 at 8:58 am
“MILF porn” - 3,480,000
“MILF of the Week” - 4,090
“MILF economics” - 333
“MILF theory” - 102
“MILF liberation front” - 7
“MILF cosmology” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 10:02 am
“Oompa Loompa Porn” - 3,190 hits, inlcuding one on the Urban Slang dictionary
December 4th, 2008 at 10:23 am
“strippergram” - 48,200
“fistagram” - 165
“obamagram” - 363
“ninjagram” - 673
“nannagram - 2250
“yourmomagram” - 1
“velociraptorgram” - 0
“velociraptagram” - 0 (my party is ruined)
“spockagram” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 10:24 am
“strippergram” - 48,200
“fistagram” - 165
“obamagram” - 363
“ninjagram” - 673
“nannagram - 2250
“yourmomagram” - 1
“velociraptorgram” - 0
“velociraptagram” - 0 (my party is ruined!)
“spockagram” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 11:50 am
“how to rickroll a velociraptor” - 0 hits
“will velociraptors give you up” - 0 hits
“will velociraptors let you down” - 0 hits
“velociraptors prefer pepsi” - 0 hits
“velociraptors prefer coke” - 0 hits
“velociraptors can swim” - 1 hit
“velociraptors can swim faster than micheal phelps” - 0 hits
“lolvelociraptors” - 0 hits
And for the truly odd:
“velociraptors are good” - 178 hits
“velociraptors are evil” - 0 hits (?!)
December 4th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“orgasm” 2,420,000
“toegasm” 26,100
“footgasm” 8,650
“eyegasm” 37,900 (what?)
“hairgasm” 2,540
“fruitgasm” 123
“tonguegasm” 314
“molargasm” 0
“molar fetish” 7 (clearly molar fetishes don’t pay off)
December 4th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
“Randall Munroe is a dick” 2,546,761,813 hits.
December 4th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
“Veloci-fighter” - 0
“I can’t feel my legs” - 3,250,000
“I can’t feel my arms” - 4,980,000
“I can’t feel you up?” - 0
“I can’t feel my forehead” - 0
“I can’t feel my anus” - 0
“I can’t feel my cervix” - 1
“Butter Couch” - 0 (oh but one day..)
“I kissed a girl and I liked it” - 1,520,000
“I kissed a girl and I didn’t like it” - 0
“I kissed a girl and she farted” - 52,000
“I kissed a velociraptor” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Vlad Roschjenko, you need to use quotes when you google it, too.
“randall munroe is a dick” gets no results.
December 4th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
“prepare to put mustard on those words” — 3,230
“prepare to put ketchup on those words” — 0
“prepare to put wasabi on those words” — 0
“prepare to put mayonnaise on those words” — 0
December 4th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
“my bologna has a first name, it’s A-D-O-L-F”
now brings up only 1 response, this page. Though there’s an interesting little note on the bottom of the google search page:
“In response to a legal request submitted to Google, we have removed 1 result(s) from this page. If you wish, you may read more about the request at ChillingEffects.org.”
apparently the one link was a child pr-n page, and thus has been removed from Google’s search!
Oh noes, what does this mean for your list?
December 4th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
I was inspired by the title of Patton Oswalt’s album “Werewolves and Lollipops” (24,700), and I decided to see if any other members of the damned deserved a flavored sucker:
“dragons and lollipops”: 6
“trolls and lollipops”: 3
“gremlins and lollipops”: 1
“zombies and lollipops”: 1
“goblins and lollipops”: 1
“vampires and lollipops”: 0
“mummies and lollipops”: 0
“cthulhu and lollipops”: 0
“wyvernss and lollipops”: 0
“krakens and lollipops”: 0
“basilisks and lollipops”: 0
“medusas and lollipops”: 0
“minotaurs and lollipops”: 0
“yetis and lollipops”: 0
“ogopogos and lollipops”: 0
“wendigos and lollipops”: 0
“balrogs and lollipops”: 0
“morlocks and lollipops”: 0
“ringwraiths and lollipops”: 0
“cenobites and lollipops”: 0
“chupacabras and lollipops”: 0
“xenomorphs and lollipops”: 0
“daleks and lollipops”: 0
“grues and lollipops”: 0
“cylons and lollipops”: 0
And, for Randall’s benefit:
“velociraptors and lollipops”: 0
Wow. I…Uh…Hm. Clearly I need more to do today.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
“unleash the dragon” - 93400 hits
“unleash the raptors” - 248
“unleash the furries” - 62 hits
“unleash the headcrabs” - 7 hits
“unleash the wookies” - 5 hits
“unleash the stickmen” - 0 hits
Surprisingly, more people act like they control furries and raptors than stickmen.
?
December 4th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
“Obama is Borg” - 1,240,000
:O Resitence is Futile!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
“ron paul war machine” - 2
“buttered ron paul” - 0
“i voted for ron paul” - 38,400
I know I did.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
“let slip the velociraptors of war” = 0 at the time of this posting. Which is a real shame, I thought it would’ve been more popular than the pox!
Also, “more popular than the pox” yields zero results. Again, a great shame. I can think of many things that would be more popular than the pox.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
“Goku vs. Superman” - 40,500
“Goku is better than Superman” - 69
“Superman is better than Goku” - 1 (!)
“Goku vs. a velociraptor” - 0
“Obama is Goku” - 1 (2 on same page)
December 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Random trials:
“hot steamy molten lava” — 2
“the cow was made of cheese” — 1
“I tried to stab myself with a fork” — 2
A more methodical approach:
“steampunk” — 2,360,000
“coalpunk” — 106
“hydroelectricpunk” — 0
December 4th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
“the pleasing bouquet of a two-buck chuck”
“/b/tards are actually pretty nice in person”
“there’s nothing weird about craigslist personals”
December 4th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Utensil MATH!
“Spoon” - 32,100,000
+ “Fork” - 52,500,000
= “Spork” - 1,560,000
or “Foon” - 886,000
“Spoon” - 32,100,000
+ “Knife” - 88,000,000
= “Spife” - 12,200
or “Knoon” - 54,000
“Spoon” - 32,100,000
+ “Knife” - 88,000,000
+ “Fork” - 52,500,000
= “Spirk” - 74,400
or “Spofe” - 5,380
or “Sporfe” - 505
or “Knoork” - 376
or “Foofe” - 9,700
“The nude swordfight” - 1
December 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
“do raptors fear fire” ? 477
“do zombies fear fire” ? 3
“do robots fear fire” ? 0
however,
“robophobia” ? 13,100
“zombiephobia” ? 1,270
“raptorphobia” ? 283
December 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
“ate my violin” - 6 (And none of them were XKCD.)
“ate my velociraptor” - 0
“ate my trebuchet” - 0
“Mozart ate my violin” - 2
“obama ate my violin” - 0
“velociraptors ate my violin” - 0
“ate my Obama” - 2
“ate my Palin” - 1
“ate my McCain” - 0
“ate my thong” - 966
“ate my purple thong” - 1
“Summer Glau ate my velociraptor” - 0 (This needs to be fixed.)
“velociraptors in space” - 7 (!)
“velociraptors in outer space” (1) (!)
“time traveling velociraptors” - 3 (!)
“I love velociraptors” - 155
“Im totally gay” - 1220
“Im totally straight” - 874
“Im totally a lesbian” - 93
“Im totally homosexual” - 7
“Im totally a velociraptor” - 0
“Im totally Obama” - 3
“Im totally Palin” - 0
“Im totally McCain” - 2
“Im totally happy” - 3220
“Im totally sad” - 496
“Im totally sick” - 1640
“Im totally healthy” - 99
Well, this last group confirms what we already know “The internet is a sick, happy place”. (0)
December 4th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
“Blown to bits” - 214000
“Blown to pieces” - 134000
“Blown to smithereens” - 69500
“Blown to hell” - 37600
“Blown to kingdom come” - 10700
“Blown to bites” - 791
“Blown to heaven” - 394
“Blown to space” - 238
“Blown to chunks” - 220
“Blown to bytes” - 8
“Blown to nibbles” - 1 (Googlewhack FTW!)
“Blown to velociraptors” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
“pardon my esperanto” - 179 results
“pardon my C++” - 7 results
“pardon my python” - 5 results
“pardon my perl” - 5 results
“pardon my lojban” - 0 results
“pardon my toki pona” - 0 results
“pardon my xkcd” - 1 result
December 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
http://www.google.com/search?q=“god-fearing+lambda+abstraction”
December 4th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
“Obama is a Dalek” - 0
Wait, no one who hates Obama watches Doctor Who? Oh wait,
“Barack Obama is a Cyberman and John McCain is a Dalek” - 1
Interesting…
December 4th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
“cats in my pants” - 996
“cats in my shirt” - 0
“cats in my underpants” - 1
“cats in my cat” - 47
“pants in my cat” - 0
“velociraptors in my pants” - 0
“cats in my velociraptor” - 0
“cats playing soccer” - 293
“velociraptors playing soccer” - 0
“cats playing velociraptor” - 0
“velociraptors playing cat” - 0
and one just for the funny wording:
“let me touch your cats” - 1
“let me touch your raptors” - 0
December 4th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
“Is Obama from space?” 0
“Obama is from space” 2
“Obama is not from space” 0
“Obama might be from space” 0
The results are conclusive!
December 4th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Also:
“Mix tape” 2,180,000
“Mix CD” 2,150,000
“Mix record” 45800
“Mix cassette” 7880
“Mix laserdisc” 129
“mix gramophone” 61
“mix wax cylinder” 8
“mix player piano” 0 (Finally)
December 4th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
“I’d like to thank everyone at 4chan for making me successful and happy”
is now at 599!
“I love 4chan” - 874
“I hate 4chan” - 884
“4chan ruined my life” - 49
“I met my wife on 4chan” - 0
“I met my husband on 4chan” - 0
“I met my boyfriend on 4chan” - 1 (!)
“I met my girlfriend on 4chan” - 2
December 4th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Clearly, knowledge and love don’t mix.
“is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 8650
“is that a book in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 115
“is that the internet in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 69
“is that a computer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 9
“is that a nuclear reactor in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 2
“is that a micropipette in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 1
“is that a DNA sequencer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” 0
December 4th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
strange that Sarah Plain and Tall got no hits…i mean really- i knew she was a cyborg after the 2nd grade reading assignment
December 4th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
“I have not had intercourse with your mom” - 0 hits
“Firefly was an amazing show” -about 5440 hits
“Firefly was an awesome show” -about 3500 hits
“Firefly was a terrible show” -2 hits
December 4th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
YOU CAN BUY BLACK HAT MAN!!!
Black Hat Man
Buy Gifts Today at Yahoo Shopping.
Low Prices On Black Hat Man
shopping.yahoo.com
Anyway:
“Black hat man”-3040
“White hat man”-1850
“Pink hat man”-421
“Rainbow colored hat man”-0
And an alarming one:
“Black hat man is sexy”-0
December 4th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
In order to get a sense of what hits are do exist, try wildcard searches:
“is that * in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me”
Values of * that are returned include: gun, gauntlet, plutonium, fugu, The Rock, Mjollnir, Big Brother, 64GB, …
December 4th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
“Infinite distractions in infinite combinations” - 0. Well 1 now becauase I used it to describe the internet.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
“i put this on the internet first” - 0
And so I did.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Jesus is my boyfriend - 15,800
Jesus is your boyfriend - 111
Jesus is his boyfriend - 3
Jesus is her boyfriend - 3
Jesus is its boyfriend - 0
Jesus is our boyfriend - 9
Jesus is their boyfriend - 10
Jesus is ur boyfriend - 1
Jesus is thy boyfriend - 0
The revolution is my boyfriend - 4,240
The Jesus is my boyfriend - 448
December 4th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
US “Hussein” Presidents:
“Barack Hussein Obama”: ~ 2750000
“George Hussein Bush”: 319
“Bill Hussein Clinton”: 64
“Ronald Hussein Reagan”: 50
“Jimmy Hussein Carter”: 155
“Gerald Hussein Ford”: 2
“Richard Hussein Nixon”: 3
“Lyndon Hussein Johnson”: 1
“John Hussein Kennedy”: 4
“Dwight Hussein Eisenhower”: 1
“Harry Hussein Truman”: 2
“Franklin Hussein Roosevelt”: 22
“Herbert Hussein Hoover”: 3
“Calvin Hussein Coolidge”: 0
Other Husseins:
“Saddam Hussein Hussein”: ~5780
“John Hussein McCain”: 821
“Luke Hussein Skywalker”: 1 (?)
December 4th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
“the three explosive virgin martyrs” - oddly, only 1
December 4th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
“Pardon my French”: 229,000
“Pardon my English”: 76,700
“Pardon my German”: 3,610
“Pardon my Hebrew”: 321
“Pardon my Russian”: 227
“Pardon my Swahili”: 129
“Pardon my Afrikan”: 0
“Pardon my 1337 5p33k”: 0
December 4th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
“Is that an enlightenment-era philisophe in you pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
December 4th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
All random zero results:
“Ominous fluffy kittens”
“Zoanthropic ballerina”
“Did you defenestrate my vodka?”
Two I was curious about:
“Barack Obama is Stephen Colbert” -0
“Barack Obama is Jon Stewart” -1(?!) (I knew there was a reason I supported him!)
December 4th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
“ggle” - 63,900
“gogle” - 2,360,000
“google” - 2,380,000,000
“gooogle” - 400,000
“goooogle” - 1,020,000
“gooooogle” - 128,000
“goooooogle” - 177,000
“gooooooogle” - 54,500
“goooooooogle” - 23,400 (lol at, Did you mean: “goooooogle” )
“gooooooooogle” - 14,900 (Did you mean: “gooooooooooogle”)
“goooooooooogle” - 48,400 (Did you mean: “gooooooooooogle” )
“gooooooooooogle” - 15,000
“goooooooooooogle” - 8,000
“gooooooooooooogle” - 8,680 (Did you mean: “goooooooooooogle” )
“goooooooooooooogle” - 6,370
“gooooooooooooooogle” - 3,670
“goooooooooooooooogle” - 3,270
“gooooooooooooooooogle” - 2,630
“goooooooooooooooooogle” - 2,070
“gooooooooooooooooooogle” - 1,760
“goooooooooooooooooooogle” - 9,740
“gooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 1,560
“goooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 983
“gooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 1,330
“goooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 883
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 1,630
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 771
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 469
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 664
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 593
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 541
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 495
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 466
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 487
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 284
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 398
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 3,900 (?)
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 290
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 266
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 551
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 273
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 241
“goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 286
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle” - 316
ah, need a break, anyone want to continue the search for the maximum number of ‘o’s you can put into google and still get results? Remember to post all results, for the google ‘o’s graph…
December 4th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
without keeping track of the results:
“gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle”
is the first with no results
December 4th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
“pardon my ruby on rails” - 0
“pardon my lisp” - 176
“pardon my common lisp” - 176
“bourne shell ultimatum” - 0
“erotic feynman diagrams” - 0 (really?)
December 4th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
“Randall Munroe is awesome” - 6
Also, a lot of the zero results now return one result, a citation of the comment in the xkcd blog. (At least through JMal, but “obama loves porn” now returns four)
December 5th, 2008 at 12:06 am
“athletes get all the girls” : 6
“programmers get all the girls” : 98
December 5th, 2008 at 12:31 am
“too much technetium”
“worthwhile paparazzi”
“rented cashews”
“I miss my gangrene”
“Republican-flavored soda”
“Prostitutes shouldn’t be rabbis”
“Eskimo sombrero”
December 5th, 2008 at 12:49 am
“your mom is better than vista” - 1 hit
“Vista is better than your mom” - 0 hits
Someone has it right!
December 5th, 2008 at 1:00 am
@Benjamin: Unsurprisingly, you’re not the only AUV-er who reads xkcd. Our sub has proudly run Gentoo for the 5 years we’ve competed.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:02 am
“raccoon in chief” - 0
“compactor in chief” - 0
“chief of stalfos” - 0
“chief of staves” - 0
“ozzie and harriet tubman” - 1
“ozzie and harriet the spy” - 0
“euclidean gynecology” - 0
“ambassador to barnard’s star” - 0
“ambassador to your ass” - 0
“dora the ford explorer” - 1
“samurai jack-in-the-box” - 1
December 5th, 2008 at 1:19 am
“lois mixmaster bujold” - 0
December 5th, 2008 at 1:20 am
“Obama is a Borg” - 2
December 5th, 2008 at 1:22 am
“xkcd is funnier than you” 1
“xkcd is funnier than me” 0
December 5th, 2008 at 1:28 am
Interesting…
gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle
(or go^2015gle)
Is the longest string accepted by google. (2019 characters) Any more and you get a Bad Request error.
No, I did not keep track of all of the results leading up to 2015 o’s. But this request generated 0 results.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Fetish topic for the evening.
“Her hair” - 11,800,000
“Her raven hair” - 28,600
“Her blue hair” - 13,700
“Her flaxen hair” - 7,380
“Her greasy hair” - 1,870
“Her brittle hair” - 161
“Her mom’s hair” - 571
“Her coifed hair” - 494
“Her coiffed hair” - 432
“Her coffee hair” - 241
“Her freakin hair” - 217
“Her American hair” - 4
“Her electronic hair” - 17
“Her java hair” - 1
“Her rubber hair” - 102
“Her plexiglass hair” - 0
“Her wookiee’s hair” - 0
“Her velociraptor hair” - 0
December 5th, 2008 at 1:51 am
“obama is a lesbian” - 911
December 5th, 2008 at 1:55 am
[...] Also, a list of promising leads which turned out to inexplicably exist. Courtesy of xkcd creator Randall Munroe. [...]
December 5th, 2008 at 3:08 am
That prompt is totally weird (and misleading) in Cygwin/NT…
But I can’t just post this without a few 0-hitters, so:
“thermite porn” - 7
“thermite erotica” - 0
“erotic thermite” - 0
“thermite obama” - 7
“thermite mccain” - 2
“thermite pirate” - 0
“thermite nin